Communication Survival Guide

If you haven’t read the silly little story I posted earlier this week, please do. Apart from being pretty hilarious, it also showcases the miscommunication that’s actually quite common. Communicating things about sex might be one of the most important but often neglected issues in relationships. We kinky people pride ourself in being very communicative when it comes to sex but the other matters aren’t as simple. Sometimes, the dominant/submissive dynamic might even act as a hiding spot for reluctance to communicate. I’ve used my submissiveness as a hiding spot to not communicate me not doing well before and it’s as destructive as one might suspect.

I’ve always thought of myself as an open person. But since I’m the only child, I’ve had to train myself to be independent from a very young age. I taught myself not to rely on anything or anyone but myself cos I’m the only one who is always going to be there for me. I would never want to be a burden or of trouble for others. I’ve talked about my issues before of my inability to ask for affection, I wrote that post almost three years ago and I’ve come a long way since then but I’m still not 100% smooth in giving and receiving affection like I want to. Rereading that little post still breaks my heart, mostly of my own insecurities and incapability to act.

Oral Survival Guide, Part 2 – The Art of Eating Pussy

So. I ran into this little clip on the world wide web and damn. Okay. I let you watch it first and then we talk, mmkay?

Oh Khaled Khaled Khaled. I have no idea how strongly I reacted to this cos I’m fully aware how some people like to do certain things in sex and some people don’t and it’s okay as long as it’s fair and your partner doesn’t mind. But it’s the way he kept repeating that he ain’t gonna do it cos ‘he the king’ and it’s not okay if his wife ain’t sucking his dick. I’m all for treating my man as the king, I am a freaking submissive after all, but Khaled, two words for you from this submissive girl: “Fuck. You.”

And I don’t even like to receive oral but I’ll be damned if my man blasts it to the world that he doesn’t go down on me cos he the king and he doesn’t do that. Who you think made you the king, huh? Disrespecting your own life in public like that. Arrogant much? I think it is long overdue, this part two of oral survival guide; five things you might not know about the vagina and what you need to know to tame it orally. I’ve had my pussy licked hundreds of times, when I was younger, I could only cum with oral. But since, I’ve moved on to other pleasures that I prefer, but I do still like to have that option to get it whenever I want. I’ve always had my fair of oral done on the lady parts, meaning I was the one doing it, and I’ve always loved it.

1. Scent

A clean vagina doesn’t smell much like anything. If there are any strong scents, it must not be well. And since it is pretty close to the bladder, just like the penis, there might a slight lingering scent of urine, but nothing a quick wash wouldn’t help. I personally don’t mind the natural scent of the vagina. It’s slightly musky in a pleasant way, there’s literally nothing else that has the same scent. As to why some people say it smells like fish, I’ve never experienced that. Some days, especially after penetrative sex, the pH levels might shift and the vagina might produce a slightly chlorine-like scent. At least for my lady parts, there are next to no smell when I was completely hairless. Both the wetness from arousal or the normal vaginal discharge are scentless (or should be). Nothing that comes from a vaginal smells nearly as much as sperm.

2. Taste

Both leftover urine or wetness are slightly salty. I know all the smutty romance books would have you believe that the pussy tastes like honey or any other sweet stuff but I’ve never tasted a pussy that is sweet. And a quick survey of my friends who had licked many a more pussy, coming to almost the same conclusion. Out of all the pussies they had licked, there were only maybe 1-2 % of them that are slightly sweet. Sorry to disappoint, boys and girls.

3. Feel

It’s very very soft, one of the softest things on earth. The skin is very delicate and moist (shut up, I like the word). I really like how it feels on my lips and tongue. And since it’s that delicate, men with beard or mustache, be careful!

4. Technique

I might be able to tell you a thing or two about how to suck a dick but licking the pussy is a completely different skill set. There is no one definite thing, every girl like different things. I personally don’t care much about it, but when I do get it, I like it lot of tongue and sucking, no teeth, no beard or mustache and no fingers. And there’s one trick I really enjoy, which is putting the lips around the general area of the clit, and sucking on it, not just the clit, but all the skin around it. And while sucking, I like the tongue to do this really quick licking motion. I know, very specific. So ask a girl what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Never just assume anything. Ask the girl so show it to you on your dick/pussy. Live and learn, my darlings, live and learn.

5. Sidetracking

When licking pussy, don’t just concentrate on the pussy or clit, take care of those other parts too. The skin on the side of the pussy, the skin between the labia lips and the outer lips, the area between the vagina and the booty hole, and don’t forget, women like rimming too! Don’t forget the inner thighs, or the little spot just before the butt slit begins.

All the technique and skills aside, all that matters the most is the passion. Show your girl how much you love doing it, not just as a chore, not as a foreplay to get it ready for your dick or you just want her to return the favor. Do it like you just love doing it. Do it the way you would like the girl to do it to you. But if your attitude is like Khaled, then you would never get to know what passionate oral sex (or any sex) feels like. You know passion, one of those things you can’t buy with money. 😉

Submission on a Break – How to Survive the Down Time

I’ve written about sub drops before. It’s this depression-like state that’s basically an endorphin crash that might occur after a particularly rough session. If you are interested in that topic, I’ve actually written a little survival guide about sub drops, you can read it here. But today I’m here to talk about the down time, when submission is on a break, at least the physical kind. An observant reader of this blog might have noticed that there had been less writings on kinky Wednesdays lately. Of course, I’ve been busy with restaurant work and such to have any mood to write anything, but it has been going on longer than that. I believe these so-called down time are not unusual with 24/7 D/s relationships. Reasons can be many, in my case it’s Sir Atticus having job related things on His mind or otherwise just not in the mood. One of the challenges of a D/s relationship is that one has to be in a certain headspace to commit, especially the one in the dominating role. A distracted Dominant is just bad news. I guess it’s equally possible for submissives to have off periods when submission doesn’t come naturally, work stress being one of them. Personally I have such a special relationship with submission that I can’t really see myself ever not be in the mood mentally. Physically sure, when I’m having a migraine or a high fever. I’m not the kind to stress about work, I might dread it but not stress about it that much. And when it comes to stress releasing, nothing quite beats a good spanking. 😛 In other words, for me submission is a cure for almost anything.

So, what are the symptoms of the down time? I would get restless, irritated at everything and everyone, lazy, bratty, mood-swingy, self-conscious, self-doubting, paranoid… just overall a shittier version of my usual self. I strongly dislike myself when I get like that, like today was such a day that those symptoms bugged the hell out of me. I decided to build a system to fight those negative symptoms because I’m all for constant self-development. 😛 And I hope it would be helpful for my fellow subbies too, and why not my other readers who get those same ‘symptoms’ from entirely different reasons.  The big theme here is distraction. Here’s my top 10 how to survive down time:

Kinky Sex Survival Guide – Level 4

Ah, my young padawan, you’re back and ready for more of my lessons. XD Level 4 is the last post of this mini-series, and in this I gathered everything super kinky. So what is kinky, at least in my opinion? For me, it had always been about the mental aspect of things, never the physical part. It doesn’t need to necessary hurt at all, but you would rarely see these things done in the vanilla bedroom because they can be hard to swallow (pun intended 😛 ). One word can sum up the theme of the following kinks: humiliation. It might not be the first thing that comes to mind when talking about sex, but it has its place in the kinky community, especially for those who are in the Dominant/submissive relationship. So if the things in this level 4 list turns you and your partner on, I welcome thee, to the colorful world of BDSM. 😉

In all seriousness though, methods of humiliation should never be taken lightly as they can give birth to some serious mental damage. If even the mere idea of any of these create stress or other worries, couples should talk it out. On one hand, these are clearly not for everything, not everyone gets aroused from humiliation, pain or adrenalin. On the other hand, kink can be one way to make you let go of unnecessary timidness and self-consciousness. If that’s the case, long and open conversations need to be had as to why these are a no-no. Is it because they don’t sound arousing, or is it because they sound scary for one reason or another. If yes, then what is that reason? And if after a thorough conversation and mutual consent and will to try these out, remember to start slow. Again, I have to remind the importance of the safeword. Never ignore the safeword, and stop immediately when the safeword is uttered. Or use a method my Dom used with me in the beginning when He was just getting to know me and my limits. He gagged me so He told me before we got down to it that He would keep checking on whether I was okay by holding my hand and squeezing it once. And if I was okay to keep going, I was to squeeze back gently. But if I wanted to stop, I was to squeeze back really hard. And I’m quite sure that if I would have hesitated on squeezing back right away, He would have paused long enough to really make sure I was okay. That’s the responsibility of Dominants and Tops and Masters, in addition to respecting the submissive/bottom and the safeword, they also have to know how to read their partner. But the latter will be built slowly and in time, so remember to be patient.

A little cautionary tale before we start with the list. If you’re read other posts here, you might know that I used to hate anal sex, and it’s mostly due to my ex who loves anal sex. In addition to being impatient with the foreplay and stretching that is required with anything anal, he would also ignore my urging for him to go slower. He was vanilla and so was I when I was still with him, we didn’t have any safeword procedure. But you would imagine that ‘go slower’ or even ‘stop’ would have been enough but no. The pain from anal wasn’t the worst thing, it was the strong sense of disrespect that I felt. His reasoning was that it felt too good to stop, and the fact that I probably wouldn’t give any anal anytime soon so he had to at least come. Yup. No wonder I was traumatized when it comes to anal, or vanilla sex in general. The first time I used my safeword with my Dom, seeing Him drop everything He was doing and tending to me and making sure that I was okay, it meant a lot to me. Because I would never feel unsure with Him, because I know for a fact that I am His priority even when I’m gagged and bound and He would never ignore my safeword just because it feels too good to stop. And because of that, He made me never want to stop, He made me take much more of everything, pain, pleasure, humiliation, than I ever imagined I can.

Alright, enough stories. Here comes the kinky list! 😉

Kinky Sex Survival Guide – Level 3

Welcome back to the Kinky Sex Survival Guide! We are already at level three! If you just stumbled upon this little kinky guide, do check level one and two out first. In my opinion, level three might be the invisible line that if crossed, it would officially make you and your partner kinksters. Yes, you will then receive kinkster pin in the mail and a magical tattoo would appear on your forehead that says kinky that only other kinky people can see. XD That would actually be super cool. 😛 Remember the things you learned from the first two levels when you try the following ten new things. All of them involve practice to get it right, and some of them can be dangerous if done carelessly so again, do talk about these with your partner before attempting any of these and start slow and observe how it to feel both to give and receive. Remember, the three mottos of any kinky business is safe, sane and consensual. Enough lecturing, let’s get dirty. 😉