Emo Attic · Kinky Dungeon · Survival Guide

Submission on a Break – How to Survive the Down Time

Kuvahaun tulos haulle lazy catI’ve written about sub drops before. It’s this depression-like state that’s basically an endorphin crash that might occur after a particularly rough session. If you are interested in that topic, I’ve actually written a little survival guide about sub drops, you can read it here. But today I’m here to talk about the down time, when submission is on a break, at least the physical kind. An observant reader of this blog might have noticed that there had been less writings on kinky Wednesdays lately. Of course, I’ve been busy with restaurant work and such to have any mood to write anything, but it has been going on longer than that. I believe these so-called down time are not unusual with 24/7 D/s relationships. Reasons can be many, in my case it’s Sir Atticus having job related things on His mind or otherwise just not in the mood. One of the challenges of a D/s relationship is that one has to be in a certain headspace to commit, especially the one in the dominating role. A distracted Dominant is just bad news. I guess it’s equally possible for submissives to have off periods when submission doesn’t come naturally, work stress being one of them. Personally I have such a special relationship with submission that I can’t really see myself ever not be in the mood mentally. Physically sure, when I’m having a migraine or a high fever. I’m not the kind to stress about work, I might dread it but not stress about it that much. And when it comes to stress releasing, nothing quite beats a good spanking. 😛 In other words, for me submission is a cure for almost anything.

So, what are the symptoms of the down time? I would get restless, irritated at Aiheeseen liittyvä kuvaeverything and everyone, lazy, bratty, mood-swingy, self-conscious, self-doubting, paranoid… just overall a shittier version of my usual self. I strongly dislike myself when I get like that, like today was such a day that those symptoms bugged the hell out of me. I decided to build a system to fight those negative symptoms because I’m all for constant self-development. 😛 And I hope it would be helpful for my fellow subbies too, and why not my other readers who get those same ‘symptoms’ from entirely different reasons.  The big theme here is distraction. Here’s my top 10 how to survive down time:

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Kinky Dungeon · Survival Guide

Kinky Sex Survival Guide – Level 4

Kuvahaun tulos haulle bdsm watersportsAh, my young padawan, you’re back and ready for more of my lessons. XD Level 4 is the last post of this mini-series, and in this I gathered everything super kinky. So what is kinky, at least in my opinion? For me, it had always been about the mental aspect of things, never the physical part. It doesn’t need to necessary hurt at all, but you would rarely see these things done in the vanilla bedroom because they can be hard to swallow (pun intended 😛 ). One word can sum up the theme of the following kinks: humiliation. It might not be the first thing that comes to mind when talking about sex, but it has its place in the kinky community, especially for those who are in the Dominant/submissive relationship. So if the things in this level 4 list turns you and your partner on, I welcome thee, to the colorful world of BDSM. 😉

In all seriousness though, methods of humiliation should never be taken lightly as they can give birth to some serious mental damage. If even the mere idea of any of these create stress or other worries, couples should talk it out. On one hand, these are clearly not for everything, not everyone gets aroused from humiliation, pain or adrenalin. On the other hand, kink can be one way to make you let go of unnecessary timidness and self-consciousness. If that’s the case, long and open conversations need to be had as to why these are a no-no. Is it because they don’t sound arousing, or is it because they sound scary for one reason or another. If yes, then what is that reason? And if after a thorough conversation and mutual consent and will to try these out, remember to start slow. Again, I have to remind the importance of the safeword. Never ignore the safeword, and stop immediately when the safeword is uttered. Or use a method my Dom used with me in the beginning when He was just getting to know me and my limits. He gagged me so He told me before we got down to it that He would keep checking on whether I was okay by holding my hand and squeezing it once. And if I was okay to keep going, I was to squeeze back gently. But if I wanted to stop, I was to squeeze back really hard. And I’m quite sure that if I would have hesitated on squeezing back right away, He would have paused long enough to really make sure I was okay. That’s the responsibility of Dominants and Tops and Masters, in addition to respecting the submissive/bottom and the safeword, they also have to know how to read their partner. But the latter will be built slowly and in time, so remember to be patient.

A little cautionary tale before we start with the list. If you’re read other posts here, you might know that I used to hate anal sex, and it’s mostly due to my ex who loves anal sex. In addition to being impatient with the foreplay and stretching that is required with anything anal, he would also ignore my urging for him to go slower. He was vanilla and so was I when I was still with him, we didn’t have any safeword procedure. But you would imagine that ‘go slower’ or even ‘stop’ would have been enough but no. The pain from anal wasn’t the worst thing, it was the strong sense of disrespect that I felt. His reasoning was that it felt too good to stop, and the fact that I probably wouldn’t give any anal anytime soon so he had to at least come. Yup. No wonder I was traumatized when it comes to anal, or vanilla sex in general. The first time I used my safeword with my Dom, seeing Him drop everything He was doing and tending to me and making sure that I was okay, it meant a lot to me. Because I would never feel unsure with Him, because I know for a fact that I am His priority even when I’m gagged and bound and He would never ignore my safeword just because it feels too good to stop. And because of that, He made me never want to stop, He made me take much more of everything, pain, pleasure, humiliation, than I ever imagined I can.

Alright, enough stories. Here comes the kinky list! 😉

Continue reading “Kinky Sex Survival Guide – Level 4”

Kinky Dungeon · Survival Guide

Kinky Sex Survival Guide – Level 3

Welcome back to the Kinky Sex Survival Guide! We are already at level three! If you just stumbled upon this little kinky guide, do check level one and two out first. In my opinion, level three might be the invisible line that if crossed, it would officially make you and your partner kinksters. Yes, you will then receive kinkster pin in the mail and a magical tattoo would appear on your forehead that says kinky that only other kinky people can see. XD That would actually be super cool. 😛 Remember the things you learned from the first two levels when you try the following ten new things. All of them involve practice to get it right, and some of them can be dangerous if done carelessly so again, do talk about these with your partner before attempting any of these and start slow and observe how it to feel both to give and receive. Remember, the three mottos of any kinky business is safe, sane and consensual. Enough lecturing, let’s get dirty. 😉

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