I don’t think I’ve talked about my sadist side much. I’m sure I’ve described her before as a tiny little sadist living inside of me. And I say little, cos like my masochist side, I don’t feel the need to feed it regularly. However, by little, I don’t mean I’m interested in causing only a wee bit of pain. 😀 I feel the need to explain this cos whenever I say that I have a little sadist living inside of me, Sir Atticus would scoff at it and tell me that it’s not exactly little. But I don’t think sadism or masochism work like that. There’s really no limit to how much pain a sadist would like to cause or a masochist would like to receive.
I am both a sexual masochist and a sadist, I get aroused from both aspects. Being a submissive is, however, still my most prominent sexual orientation and both my S and M are inseparable from D/s. Meaning I need to be submitting in order to get aroused from pain. My sadist basically works the same way, but it’s a little complicated than that. Cos I don’t really get off on being dominant. I do enjoy bossing around and I’m very good at it, but I don’t get sexual satisfaction from it. But I do get aroused from acts of sadism but in order to get off, I need to submit. And both my S and M side require a consenting partner. Especially on the S side, cos you know, beating others without their consent is kinda illegal. 😀 And since I’m only borderline psychopath, I don’t think I would enjoy hurting anyone not consenting. Much. 😉
Continue reading “Confessions of a Sadist”
I’ve written about sub drops before. It’s this depression-like state that’s basically an endorphin crash that might occur after a particularly rough session. If you are interested in that topic, I’ve actually written a little survival guide about sub drops, you can read it here. But today I’m here to talk about the down time, when submission is on a break, at least the physical kind. An observant reader of this blog might have noticed that there had been less writings on kinky Wednesdays lately. Of course, I’ve been busy with restaurant work and such to have any mood to write anything, but it has been going on longer than that. I believe these so-called down time are not unusual with 24/7 D/s relationships. Reasons can be many, in my case it’s Sir Atticus having job related things on His mind or otherwise just not in the mood. One of the challenges of a D/s relationship is that one has to be in a certain headspace to commit, especially the one in the dominating role. A distracted Dominant is just bad news. I guess it’s equally possible for submissives to have off periods when submission doesn’t come naturally, work stress being one of them. Personally I have such a special relationship with submission that I can’t really see myself ever not be in the mood mentally. Physically sure, when I’m having a migraine or a high fever. I’m not the kind to stress about work, I might dread it but not stress about it that much. And when it comes to stress releasing, nothing quite beats a good spanking. 😛 In other words, for me submission is a cure for almost anything.
So, what are the symptoms of the down time? I would get restless, irritated at everything and everyone, lazy, bratty, mood-swingy, self-conscious, self-doubting, paranoid… just overall a shittier version of my usual self. I strongly dislike myself when I get like that, like today was such a day that those symptoms bugged the hell out of me. I decided to build a system to fight those negative symptoms because I’m all for constant self-development. 😛 And I hope it would be helpful for my fellow subbies too, and why not my other readers who get those same ‘symptoms’ from entirely different reasons. The big theme here is distraction. Here’s my top 10 how to survive down time:
Continue reading “Submission on a Break – How to Survive the Down Time”
First post about naughty stuff in ages! Sorry about that. 😛 And this is going to be a bit of a rambling too. It’s the TV show Shameless I’ve been watching and in it there was this male character who is a self-proclaimed sex addict. He’s been attending meetings and on his way to being ‘healed’ and restricts himself only to sex with one woman whom he loves and only in the missionary position while listening to Seal’s ‘Kiss From the Rose’. When being questioned about his very singular taste in sex, he revealed that sex is like a monster to him, if he chooses to release the monster, he can only get satisfaction from sex acts more on the extreme side, and it would only get more and more extreme cos so-called normal sex wouldn’t cut it anymore.
And that kinda got me thinking. During the early phase of my BDSM journey, when I was still one foot on the vanilla side and one foot on the dark side, I’ve encountered men who simply refuse to experiment the kinkier stuff like bare hand spanking or choking. I’m not sure whether it’s true or not, but the reason they gave me was that they were afraid that their appetite would only get darker and darker and it might get to a stage where nothing short of a hardcore SM stuff would suffice. I’ve also been asked whether I’m afraid that that’s happening to me eventually. Personally, I am not even worried, and I will attempt to explain why not in this post.
Continue reading “More more more! – Thoughts about sex addiction and kink”