Fifty Shades of Orgasms, part 3

I wrote a little cheeky list of different types of orgasms I usually get back in 2016 in part 1 and then my struggles and how I seem to slowly start to overcome them in 2019 in part 2. After I wrote that I still had problems with cumming with other people and I still had that little talk with every new partner about how I don’t orgasm easily and ask them not to take it personally. I estimated that I cum maybe 10% of the time and that remained true until I met Steve.

Before I go more in depth into that, I feel like I should explain what happened between my last post about orgasms and me meeting Steve. Back in mid-2019, I was still having a friends with benefits relationship with Oliver and that lasted until mid-2020 aka when the pandemic was going hot. I did cum from time to time with Oliver but it wasn’t consistent at all and in no shape or form a guaranteed thing. During that year with Oliver, I did have other random partners and now in retrospect, it was surprising that I did manage to orgasm with new partners even during the first time. But there would always be a gimmick or something. Like being with a woman that I had a giant crush with and she fucked harder than most men I’ve been with. 😀 And with a guy who had a Prince Albert piercing in his penis and goddamn it felt amazing. And even with Oliver, there had to be something extra like bondage or anal etc in order for me to cum. So I was quite serene with my state. I knew my body was capable of orgasming with other people too, I just needed a little bit extra oomph to it. I was just happy that I could do it, after everything.

So after our partnership ended with Oliver, I didn’t have a long-term partner for a long time. Here and there was some action but when the end of 2020 hit, I was just exhausted trying to find a new steady partner in the midst of a pandemic. I decided to take a break and I didn’t date anyone or even tried to for a whole year. I knew I could do it cos of my experience with one year of voluntary celibacy back in 2018. It was actually quite nice, to not to have to think about it. I didn’t even masturbate much. I just went with how I felt and I felt zen. Turned out I was extremely good at being by myself. I guess for the first time in my life, I didn’t think about sex or orgasms on a regular basis for an extended period of time. And in addition to that, I wasn’t worried that I didn’t think about it. And maybe that helped my body re-center itself with its relationship with sex and orgasms. I am not saying it was all me. XD Not at all. I’ve 100% sure I wouldn’t be where I am now if my next steady play partner is anyone else but Steve. 😀 All the orgasm stars were lining up for it to happen.

So in November 2021, I was ready to get back out there. I started a friends with benefits relationship with Steve whom I’ve known through a mutual friend but didn’t exactly stay in contact with for five years. But there was some connection there so it was relatively easy to jump into things – I felt like I already knew him. And that layer of intimacy during sex even from the first time we had sex, I figured it must be because I was capable of being quite vulnerable in front of him. I felt a strong sense of kinship with him cos I felt like he was very similar to me and that I can tell him anything about myself and I would never face judgment from him. And that type of mental nakedness must have transferred to the physical realm cos it literally took us several times of having sex, and I was surprised with me orgasming. Without any gimmicks. It was just regular sex. I have to admit that our bodies and especially the naughty parts couldn’t be more compatible and he could hit various points of sensitive flesh without even trying.

Fast-forward a few months, we meet roughly 1-3 times a week depending on our mutual schedules, and I can safely say that I’m badly spoiled. After that first time of me cumming, it just kept happening. Every time we have sex. Sometimes multiple orgasms. In every position – even standing up or me on top. And all kinds of orgasms – vaginal, clitoral, anal and g-spot ones with fingering. And the kicker is, I don’t have to work for it. They just come by themselves. There are really no words to describe how freeing it all feels. I could never believe that I could be that girl who is basically guaranteed to orgasm during sex. Maybe the gimmick here is that I have a giant crush on him, or maybe it’s cos we are anatomically and physically compatible. Or maybe, the gimmick is freedom from the stress of having to orgasm. We even had a mini marathon one day to test how many times we both could cum and it was over double digits for me. But that’s a story for another day. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Cat In a Party

A couple of week’s ago at a monthly kinky, I did something quite special – I went in the role of a cat. On a collar and leash. With a cat sitter (Oliver). If you are new to my blog, that might not sound that special, albeit pretty kinky. But if you have been a long time reader, all of that might raise your eyebrow. I am not that big on pet play. But to my exDom, I was his kitten and I always felt safe in that role. After the break-up, the kitten in me died. I knew for a fact that I couldn’t ever be a kitten for anyone else. I never really quite mourned her passing, I had other things to worry about (or run away from). But since last year I truly started to go through the break-up like a grown-up, I started to miss my feline role. I was still sure that I can’t regain my kitten role ever again, but a thought pop into my mind – what if the kitten has grown up into a cat? A bratty cat that scratches and bites but also likes scratches and likes to be in the lap. The idea grew and grew and I decided that I wanted to do it. And as someone who tends to go a little extreme from time to time, I decided to go all the way.

I decided that I want to do it in public. Since I don’t panic when I am surrounded by lots of people. There was a very slight possibility that I would get bad flashbacks about my time as a kitten with my exDom, and in parties, I would less likely get panic attacks. Second, in addition to having a buttplug fluffy tail and cat-eye make-up, I was gonna go into the role more seriously and not talk at all. Which is very unlike me, cos I talk constantly. Third, I was going to be in a thick leather collar and a leash. I almost never wear collars even during play, cos collars use to be a big fucking deal for me. But just as my inner kitten, my exDom managed to ruin collars for me too. Ruin them in the sense that I probably can never take them seriously ever again. So I decided to be a good cat, and wear a collar and a leash. I recruited Oliver to be my cat sitter.

And here’s what I discovered: I really really love being in the role of a cat. I have my subspace when submitting, the sadist state when I’m hurting others, the top space and the masochist state. What I didn’t expect was to have a unique state of mind as a feline. I felt confident yet vulnerable at the same time, playful and bratty. Most surprising thing was I had a much easier time to just beg for intimacy from people I know. I loved getting scratches and pets and strokes on my hair. I love getting hugs and being held and lounged on people’s laps or rest my head on their thighs. Aka things that I probably wouldn’t know how to ask for when I’m being myself.

The not talking part was a hit and miss, I love chatting with people but also, I didn’t have to pay attention to anyone I didn’t want to. I am easily distracted and as a cat, I could be as distracted as I wanted to be and that was definitely a plus. I just need to find a nice balance here somehow.

I did love the collar and leash too, but it did something weird to me. For a few times, Oliver led me to the sofa at the party and there were people I didn’t know. And he would go get something like water. Usually I have no problem being by myself anywhere, but for some reason (maybe because of the role and the collar), I felt very vulnerable being by myself. Not unlike a pet being left alone by its hooman, even for a little bit of time. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I felt unsafe, cos logically I was very safe at the party. But I did feel something that was very much like being scared. I became incredibly restless, and I think at both times, I took my leash between my teeth and ran away. After all, I wasn’t a dog who would stay in place just cos I was told to. A cat shouldn’t obey, right? 😛

So there were two pretty brutal spankings by the sadistic cat sitter, and I also found out that not getting to curse out loud was definitely a minus. XD It might also hurt the feelings of the said sadist, cos even though the spankings were brutally lovely, my favorite activity was actually getting choked by him pulling on the collar hard. I asked him to do it so hard that I would pass out, and he obliged. It was after the second spanking and I was still standing and slightly leaning against a spanking net made with thick ropes. I never remember the second when the lights go out, I would just casually regard that I’m losing the grip of my hand on the ropes. This time I actually dreamed of something. And slowly, I regained consciousness and it was like someone turning the volume of the world back on gradually. That feeling is really hard to describe but I adore it so much. It felt like literally minutes for me but according to Oliver, it was maybe like 5 seconds. He let go of the collar right when my grip on the ropes went limp. And just for that purpose only, I would love to wear the collar more often.

All in all, I would love to be a cat more often at parties. But I do wonder whether I would get into that same mindset without the collar, or without the leash, and without a cat sitter. And also I should definitely not do the not-talking thing. XD One time is enough I think. Especially when everything I tried to emote to Oliver, his first guess would always be ‘you want cock?’. XD Sadistic perv. All jokes aside, I am very grateful to him that he would indulge me this one party to somehow regain my feline side and also explore new possibilities. I might have lost many things during my journey, but I’m confident I will find new wonderful things in the future. Until the, stay kinky! 😉

Favorite Kinky Experiences 2019

Happy New Decade! 😀

This is going to be a short one, I’m just going to list ten of my favorite kinky experiences I had in the year 2019. It’s going to be pretty Oliver heavy since I met him in February and he is my primary kinky play partner this year. Let’s get on with it!

1. Revisiting double penetration – read more here.

2. Shibari – read more here, here and here. There is one more experience to add here that I didn’t have a chance to write yet and it was being tied up by someone else than Oliver and it was a semi-suspension. 😀 I promise I would write about the experience soon.

3. Casa Oliver aka my first time at Oliver’s place – read more here.

4. Water Bondage – read more here.

5. The Kidnapping – read more here.

6. The Threesome – read more here.

7. Vampire Gloves – read more here.

8. Revelations at parties – read more here. It was at Oliver’s second kinky house party that kinda triggered to do some much-needed self-reflection that led to some pretty intense epiphanies. It was all roses but it was necessary.

9. Spanking at the club. I don’t think I’ve written about this but it was one of the most intense and sadistic experiences I’ve ever had since I started BDSM. I have no idea what it was, but it was just spanking and vampire gloving by Oliver at the club, I think it was the first time that I was fully nude. He tied me up and the pain enveloped me from all over. Oliver’s sadist was fully out and he was glorious. But I guess the being in public aspect, also it was after the beginning of my struggles with not submitting mentally to him, and that we both kinda ignored proper aftercare, we both dropped after that public session. But it was because of it that I went ahead and created the ‘aftercare protocol’ below. The drop wasn’t fun but I don’t want the session to be tainted by what we both neglected to do. I want to remember it as one of my favorite sessions ever. It somehow made me more shameless.

10. Aftercare protocol – read more here.

The Threesome

I wanted to throw the fuck up, I was so anxious. There was a party on Friday and Oliver told me on Tuesday that maybe we could have a threesome at the party with Iris, me and him. I knew he said maybe but my anxiety was slowly building up until I was ready to throw up any minute on Friday. Luckily, I got three hours of distraction after work cos I went to see Tarantino’s newest before the party (read my review at my new blog #shamelessplug). When I arrived, I still had to change into some party clothes and put on my eye make-up, and they haven’t arrived yet so I had time to freak out all by myself in the changing room. As soon as I stepped out of the changing room, both of Iris and Oliver were standing near the entrance, and I focused on her almost entirely. I went to give Oliver a hug first cos, to be honest, I was scared shitless. Not scared of her, but more of myself and how I behave around her. Let’s just be real, I have no control over myself when I’m having a crush. Although the chaotic crush I have on her had a little time to calm down, it was still pretty chaotic.

Iris and I decided Oliver needed some party makeup too, so we went to put some serious eye makeup on him. We went for Captain Hook’s look on ‘Once Upon a Time’ TV show, and what can I say, I have a weakness towards men with eye makeup. Oliver had never looked sexier to me. But still, she occupied my attention way more.

The Kidnapping

From the moment I found out that Oliver drives his car to parties at the BDSM club, this idea of getting ‘kidnapped’ and thrown into his car trunk had popped in my head. Of course, it was nothing new, I’ve seen many pictures, had many fantasies and even discussed with some people to do it. Here’s the thing about fulfilling fantasies and trying new things with Oliver, unlike with anyone else, he and I tend to get things done very quickly. Like the water bondage thing. And he always exceeds all of my expectations of how seriously he takes the play and also how much efforts he puts into them. I guess we had that in common, we both can take our play time quite seriously, I was so used to being the only one who wants to put in more effort.

We don’t necessarily plan things out thoroughly, we just discuss some things in a general sense like him asking me whether I like being manhandled or more like a gentle and spiritual experience. To which I replied that being manhandled roughly is spiritual to me. 😀 And that’s kinda all of the pointers he needed. Oh that and also he would tie me up at the club before throwing me in the trunk.

Conveniently, it was a rope party at the club, and he picked me up and showed me the trunk that he had emptied. He also put a tiny pillow in the trunk for me, cos that’s the stuff our sweet Oliver would do. The party was nothing special, with a couple of bondage shows, he and I mingled mostly separately. It was past midnight when we realized the time and he told me to bring him my extra long rope to tie me up and also my little red buttplug. It wasn’t the first time, and he usually does it just anywhere, but this time he told me to go to the dark room with him. For those who aren’t familiar with BDSM clubs, the dark room is a place for a little more privacy, usually decorated with beds and well, people go there to fuck and do other naughty stuff they don’t want to do in the main area of the club for everyone to see. I wasn’t sure why he wanted me to go to the dark room with him, wasn’t he just going to tie me up?