I’ve written about sub drops before. It’s this depression-like state that’s basically an endorphin crash that might occur after a particularly rough session. If you are interested in that topic, I’ve actually written a little survival guide about sub drops, you can read it here. But today I’m here to talk about the down time, when submission is on a break, at least the physical kind. An observant reader of this blog might have noticed that there had been less writings on kinky Wednesdays lately. Of course, I’ve been busy with restaurant work and such to have any mood to write anything, but it has been going on longer than that. I believe these so-called down time are not unusual with 24/7 D/s relationships. Reasons can be many, in my case it’s Sir Atticus having job related things on His mind or otherwise just not in the mood. One of the challenges of a D/s relationship is that one has to be in a certain headspace to commit, especially the one in the dominating role. A distracted Dominant is just bad news. I guess it’s equally possible for submissives to have off periods when submission doesn’t come naturally, work stress being one of them. Personally I have such a special relationship with submission that I can’t really see myself ever not be in the mood mentally. Physically sure, when I’m having a migraine or a high fever. I’m not the kind to stress about work, I might dread it but not stress about it that much. And when it comes to stress releasing, nothing quite beats a good spanking. 😛 In other words, for me submission is a cure for almost anything.
So, what are the symptoms of the down time? I would get restless, irritated at everything and everyone, lazy, bratty, mood-swingy, self-conscious, self-doubting, paranoid… just overall a shittier version of my usual self. I strongly dislike myself when I get like that, like today was such a day that those symptoms bugged the hell out of me. I decided to build a system to fight those negative symptoms because I’m all for constant self-development. 😛 And I hope it would be helpful for my fellow subbies too, and why not my other readers who get those same ‘symptoms’ from entirely different reasons. The big theme here is distraction. Here’s my top 10 how to survive down time:
Continue reading “Submission on a Break – How to Survive the Down Time”
Let me tell you a little story about my grandpa. You know how some girls would admire their dads and would hope to find a man like their dad to marry. For me, that role model is my grandpa. It will be very hard to find another man who loves his wife as much as my grandpa loves my grandma. Many years ago, grandma got a stroke and lost her ability to read or speak properly. Grandpa would tirelessly and with utter patient guess what my grandma tried to say, sometimes for tens of minutes for just one single word. Grandma would lose her temper and get frustrated, but grandpa never lost the smile on his face. I guess he was just really happy that he didn’t lose her. They got to spend their diamond wedding anniversary together after being 60 years married. They celebrated grandpa’s 90th birthday couple of years ago. I could only wish that I can find the love that they have, even one tenth of it would be enough for me.
Few years ago, my grandpa got a stroke. He is pretty much bedridden after that, and only had the energy to sit up in his wheelchair few hours a day to eat. When I was visiting my grandparents last time, it was so hard for me to see an once strong man being confined in his room. I could tell he was frustrated. And I could see that old age had finally got to him. It broke my heart to see grandma spending most of her day sitting in his room, the love of her life. I could only hope that he knows that she’s with him, the love of his life.
Today I just got a call from my mom and she told me that grandpa is in the hospital and that this trip might well be his last. I’m sad but at the same time relieved. For my mom, or for my uncle who’s the one taking care of grandpa these last few years. I’m sure it’s not easy for them either to see their own father, their hero suffering. I’m most worried about my grandma. I hope she can find the strength to carry on and I hope she knows that her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren, we all love her so much.
I’m sorry to write about such a heavy subject on Friday. I’m very bad at dealing with death, I always try to find something positive about it because the alternative would simply crush me if I let it. On that note, I chose a song that I’m sure my grandpa would approve because I guess the optimistic and resilient parts in me came from him. Love you, grandpa, I know we’ll meet again.
I read an article from my local paper of things that couples fight about on holidays since summer holiday is coming. Trivial stuff like what to eat, where to eat, financial things, kids, exes, etc etc. It all sounded incredible to me. As in if I’m lucky enough to go on holidays with someone I love, why would I argue about things that don’t even matter? Not really. I know, it’s easy for me to say and I do have to go onto memory lane and think about what it was like on holidays, or otherwise when I was in my previous long-term relationships. While I’ve had many sex partners, I’ve only been in two long-term relationships. First one was during my college time, and it ended because I trusted my gut, the second one ended a couple of years ago, and it didn’t end earlier because I didn’t trust my guts. I know it’s Kinky Wednesday, but I don’t have nothing kinky in mind. It’s going to be storytime. Stories about how you really should learn to trust your gut in relationships. It’s a rather heavy topic but I will lighten things up with passive aggressive memes. :E
Boyfriend number one I met when it was the first year in college and I was with him the whole time I was in college. Talk about the best party time wasted. Now looking back, me being a Chinese must have been the big thing for him to be with me. I don’t mind people having yellow fever, it’s my niche. 😛 But I don’t think he liked me for me. The most prominent thing I remember of him was that he made me feel like a piece of shit. We would fight and he would accuse me of never listening to him because I didn’t remember him telling me his feelings. And I believed him. Well, later turned out (he confessed later) that it wasn’t me being forgetful, he just tried to distract me from seeing what was really going on (and that was him cheating on me with his ex). I had no idea whatsoever. I felt so bad about myself, I really thought that I was a bad girlfriend for forgetting and not listening. And I even felt worse when it was me who decided to break up. When I made my decision back then, I had no idea at all why. Seemingly I had no reason at all. I just knew that I wanted to break up with him. I felt the worst when after the break-up I wasn’t even sad. In fact, I was the happiest that I had ever been. My friends told me that I positively glowed. I guess I did on the outside, but inside I felt like I was the worst human being in the world. Did I actually feel great for hurting someone else for no good reason? I didn’t know back then but now looking back, I guess I carried some of that guilt with me to my next relationship. I didn’t feel that I deserve more.
Continue reading “Trust Your Gut in Relationships”