Courtship Chronicles, part 14 – Steve

For those new to my blog, this used to be a pretty kinky place. 😀 ‘Slap Ass For Motivation’ started after I broke up with my ex-fiance at the age of 30. I know, very cliché. It was supposed to be about single life in my 30s but it quickly become a blog chronicling my journey discovering the kinky lifestyle and also exploring the local kinky community. For years, my main content for this blog was sex, kink, and dating-related. But, just like for everyone else, the rona had put a stop to pretty much any activity. To my utter horror, I realized that the last post about dating or sex was in March 2020. It was Courtship Chronicles part 13, I re-read the post and it sounded almost ominous. XD I don’t remember much about dating in 2020. I was still playing with Oliver back then but we actually ended our friends with benefits relationship around summer 2020. I do remember the one date in November 2020 with an Irish guy and he was fantastic at sex but he met someone serious so it was just that one time then. What a huge pity. After him, I pretty much decided to take a break from dating. I blinked and one year went by without me seeing anyone or even going on dates. In autumn 2021, kinky events momentarily started back up but I’ve already got this notion in my head that my next date after such a long break can’t be that good cos the Irish dude was so good. XD In November 2021, I did break the curse and went on a pretty good date with a Dutch guy. I haven’t seen him after our first date though. But we aren’t here today to talk about him. We are here to talk about Steve (not his real name, duh). 😀

I met Steve exactly two months ago, on the 12th of November 2021. Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. I met Steve in 2016, in the summer. On my birthday actually. My friend Y invited me to have a drink and I met Y’s friend Steve who was also at the bar. If my type in men would be molded into an actual man, Steve would be exactly it – 188 cm tall, blonde hair, and grey/light blue eyes, I was instantly drawn to him. I don’t exactly remember what we chatted about that night but I do remember we talked about choking and that I really really enjoyed it. One thing led to another and I ended up asking him to put me in a chokehold and choke me until I fainted. Right there at the bar. XD I still remember gaining consciousness and the first thing I saw was his face smiling at me. I don’t know if he knew just how turned on I was by him. After the bar closed, we went to another bar, just me and him, and all of that felt like a dream now. But! Nothing happened. We didn’t even kiss. Cos back then, I was an obedient little submissive playing with Sir Sade and I didn’t get permission from him to play with someone else. Not from lack of trying though, funny how Dominants weren’t answering messages at 2 am. XD

After that initial meeting, I already got an extremely strong sense that Steve and I were very similar. He felt the male version of me. We chatted via messages for a while but it wasn’t that long. We were at a different stage in life back then, I just got to exploring and he was tired of all the random relationships he had and was looking for something serious. The next thing I knew, he did find a serious relationship. Actually, he found several of them, one after the other, for the next 4+ years.

Around summer 2021, our mutual friend Y texted me that Steve was finally single now, and here’s his number. XD I don’t know why it took me months to actually text him but I’m glad I finally did in November. I asked him to go for a drink and we ended up picking the same bar we met all those years ago. We found ourselves in the exact same stage in life – we both have had enough of super serious relationships and a casual and fun relationship that isn’t goal-oriented is just what we are both looking for. In other words, friends with benefits. 😀 That bar night, I don’t remember when was the last time I had so much fun. We ended staying quite late, starting out chatting just the two of us but then with others too cos among others our mutual friend Y came there too.

It wasn’t until 2 am that we went back to my place and had some intoxicated sex. There was a lot of kissing and groping, and the skin-to-skin felt amazing. He might be one of the very few that I actually enjoy kissing. He tastes like cigarette smoke and that didn’t bother me at all. He smelled like something spicy, like cinnamon and ginger and something sweet like butterscotch with a hint of campfire from the cigarettes. Already the first time we had sex, it felt oddly intimate to me. For the life of me, I couldn’t explain what made it different than my other drunken sexperiences. It might be the brief but impactful history we shared. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of something that would redefine my relationship with my own body, my sexuality, and my orgasms. But that’s a story for another day. 😛 Don’t worry, I won’t take another almost two-year break. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Courtship Chronicles, part 13 – Bad Beginning for 2020

I shouldn’t be so dramatic, nothing bad happened. 😀 But! In the sense of me challenging myself of ’20 in 20′ aka 20 new (sex) partners in 2020 (permanent or non-permanent), my year couldn’t have started any worse. Let’s see, it’s March now, past couple of days. I’ve been on four first dates, none of those moved on to the next stage. I did manage to start my count though, on Valentine’s Day no less, with two different people at a kinky party. 😀 They were fun, but probably a one-time thing. Initially, I was only going to write about ‘successful’ dates, but I have a bad feeling that it might take a while. I just might have exhausted my Tinder dating pool and it’s time to take a break. So instead, I guess I can also document the dates that didn’t lead to anything? 😀 Let’s see if I still remember.

Guy1, 30 something, was definitely interesting. 😀 We met for coffee and chatted for like 2-3 hours. He was Finnish but looked more like French or something, giant eyes with the longest eyelashes and beautiful smile plus long hair. Upon chatting, he said he was in the sales business when he was younger and made tons of money but then decided to give it all up to pursue his dreams. But. He doesn’t seem to know what his dreams were. He gave me a strong vibe of a little boy being so very lost in life but pretends hard not be seem that way. He gets things started, finishing none of them. Although we did share interests in minimalistic ways of live and the poly lifestyle, I don’t think there was any chemistry.

Guy2, met him for a beer and also chatted for 2-3 hours. It was pretty standard, chatted about movies and stuff, he definitely looked way younger than his pictures (he is 25) and he was also a bit tiny and it all made me feel… well, old and big. XD

Guy3 showed a bit potential in the beginning. We went for drinks and chatted for 4 hours. He was a bit feminine, heteroflexible. For some reason, we got to chatting about platonic relationships for a weirdly long time. And I got a strong sense that he wanted a platonic relationship with me. Among other things, he said he was disappointed when I said I don’t spend nights with people just sleeping if I don’t have a sexual relationship with them. Let’s just say that I’m really not the type that would ever go for platonic relationships. Later when he asked me for a second date, it got a bit awkward cos I’ve been struggling with how to tell him I don’t want a platonic relationship. It was stressful, alright? I don’t like it. XD But then I finally got around telling him, but then he said that no he does want a non-platonic relationship with me. XD I was so fucking confused. But by then, I’ve lost interest altogether already. But mostly, I felt like he was a maybe-person. Meaning I can maybe fuck him, or maybe not. And I didn’t want the first new dick of the decade to be a maybe-dick. XD

Guy4 is actually French, just moved to Finland. I also went for drinks with him, and chatted for 2 hours or so. He was short though. I really should start asking people their height like the shallow asshole that I am. And he was pretty French. 😀 Like the slightly condescending tone laced in almost everything he said. 😀 Okay fine, I’m stereotyping, but he seemed to have problems with the poly lifestyle, so I don’t think we would click, even though his accent is pretty amusing.

Well, there you have it, four dates. I was supposed to wait till five before writing this, but the date that I was supposed to have on Friday got postponed so you shall have to deal with four for now. 😛 Do wish me luck with Guy5, I shall report when I finally meet him, hopefully next week. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Courtship Chronicles, part 12 – The Year 2019

So the year 2019 is coming to an end soon enough and it’s time to look back how my year was dating-wise. I do have to admit that I started with a bang. 😀 I was very hard-working and going on first dates quite frequently in the first half of the year. But then my mental health wasn’t doing so good in June and I got super lazy dating-wise. I did write down stuff on my calendar though and with that data, I created a nice infographic to sum it all up. 😀 Let’s go through it together!

So I was on 23 first dates, meeting almost two new people per month. Most were fun, some are weird and some went very well but no second dates. And since I’m not the type to run after anyone, they would fade out quite quickly. I do think that if the conversation doesn’t continue naturally and organically despite a great first date, then there must be not enough interest.

I had ten new partners this year, which means I had sex with ten new people. I had a long debate with several people what counts as sex, but in my humble opinion, my definition for myself is a new dick in my pussy, to put it crudely. A couple of them happens to be dildos attached to strap-ons but in all intent and purposes, it’s the same thing. Out of those ten, five of them were what I like to call ‘accidental one-night-stands’. Meaning I do not ever set out to have a one-night-stand, but sometimes after the first time, I simply don’t want a second time.

I didn’t keep track of how many people I chatted up but it never has gone far enough to set up a date. One guy ghosted me after the first date and I gave him a blowjob just cos I was being nice. Two were pretty flaky, as in they canceled on the day we were supposed to meet for coffee and didn’t make a real effort to re-schedule again. And two didn’t cancel at all, they simply didn’t show up for dates. I would never understand no-shows and ghosting, like what is the purpose of that? Oh well, onto more adventures.

Finally, I also tracked how many of the new people were kinky and how many nillas aka vanillas. Funny enough, most of those seven nillas do claim to be either kinky or even dominant. Well, they weren’t. 😀 And two out of those three kinksters were women and one guy. Yes, you guessed it, the one kinky guy is Oliver. You’ll know who he is if you’ve been following my blog. 😀

It’s the year 2020 next year. And I’m going to challenge myself and get 20 new partners. In other words, I want to double it! All just for fun and for that round number of 20. 😀 Cos, why not right. 😛 So, do expect more content as ‘Courtship Chronicle’ continues, stronger than ever. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Courtship Chronicles, part 11 – Essentialism and Bad Dates

I’ve just recently recovered from my slump of not feeling like dating at all. I still had no concrete idea why I lost my mojo, let alone how I got it back. But I named it Lucille. It seems to help to name my inner voices, like I named the negative, judgmental as fuck voice in my head Linda. So I decided to stick with names starting with L, so I named my mojo, my sex drive, the main driving force of me dating – Lucille. For now, Lucille is cooperating. So I got back on the horse and went on a few dates and actually felt like it could be fun. I did go on dates during my slump period too, even though I didn’t feel like doing it and I blamed it on the lost of my mojo that those dates didn’t turn out to be anything. But now that Lucille is back and the two dates I went on after that are also kinda meh, I slowly started to think that maybe it’s not just Lucille’s fault, it’s me not being picky enough.

Courtship Chronicles, part 10 – Iris

I’ve talked about crushes, small and giant ones on here. In fact, in the first Courtship Chronicles I wrote about the anatomy of a crush. I reread it before writing this one, and I realize I skip one of the types of crushes completely. The chaotic, almost irrational kind. The last time I had such a crush was last year, you know it, it was Elio. I don’t think I ever wrote about the beginning of that crush, cos with Elio it quite quickly turned into something else as we got to know each other quite fast because we wrote a lot to each other in the beginning. You see, the chaotic kind of crushes usually burn so hot that they are unsustainable for long. I experience that especially on the first week after I met Elio. I was jumping up the walls, going absolutely apeshit. I was anxious, I had a hard time breathing and I even lose my appetite. It’s not exactly a bad feeling though, nor does it make me unhappy. It is just very intense, that’s all. I do have a theory why I have such strong crushes sometimes. I don’t waste much time or energy in thinking about what the other person thinks of me, nor do I want anything from them. In fact, these chaotic crushes had hardly anything to do with the other person, it’s all me. And I have stopped building castles in the cloud long time ago so I have double the energy to put into the feelings of having a crush. Because after my last Dom Atticus, Elio was my first chaotic crush. Still last year, I thought that it would be nice to have one of those like once a year. And now that I’m having one, I have no idea why I wished that, this is terrible! XD

This time, it’s different on so many levels. First of all, it’s a she. I have never had a chaotic crush on a woman. I’m absolutely terrified. I have no idea what to do, or how to act, or whether I even should act. Her nickname is a flower, so I chose another flowery name for her on here – Iris. I think it suits her. She is tall and slim and blonde with a stunning smile that reaches her eyes. I’ve met her before a few times at parties, she is actually more of Oliver’s friend. And lately they had started to play together, that’s why I got to see her in Oliver’s kinky house party last week that I helped organize. I was confused at first why I felt weird seeing them kiss, cos I thought I was jealous of her kissing him. Let me clarify something first, I am very fond of Oliver, I adore him and I love playing with him, but I never did have a chaotic crush on him. My fondness of him came in time after getting to know him better. I do feel protective of him, but I never feel jealous of his other relationships. After feeling absolutely bewildered about that odd feeling, I realized like after a day that it was kinda jealousy, but not of her, but him. I was slightly annoyed that he got to kiss her, and I wanted to be the one kissing her. And upon that realization, the crush hit me like a hurricane, and I spent my days panicking and being anxious.

At the party, I asked people I know well to give me a birthday spanking. My dear friend Gigi was there too, and she said she saw my eyes change when I asked Iris to spank me too. Like they kinda lit up. I have no idea that my eyes betrayed me like that. And we kinda had a threesome with Oliver and her, but I was way too shy to touch her, it was more with Oliver in the middle. After the party, Oliver said he couldn’t believe that actually happened, I think I couldn’t either. It felt like a dream or something.

The difference this time, well, it’s a woman. At least with Elio, I knew how to talk to, chaotic as it was. But this time I have no idea what to do? I don’t know how to talk to a woman! Which means I probably won’t be doing anything, and just let this chaos burn through me like a log in the hearth. She is also a switch, and I’ve never wanted to be dom over by a woman before, I have no idea what to do there either… I take it all back, I don’t want chaotic crushes. They make no sense, I can’t logic my way through them. Now if you would excuse me, I would go get some distractions like a movie.