Jukebox Friday

Stories: Strange and Beautiful (I’ll Put A Spell On You) – Aqualung

The year was 2009. I broke up from my first boyfriend of three years, was about to graduate from college and was also on the verge of a major self-discovery, my sexuality, my identity as a submissive. I was confused, I was lost, but I was excited because I felt like I finally found myself. That year remains one of the biggest turning points of my life. I was single, I was obsessed with Twilight. Well, maybe not Twilight, just the strong feelings it created inside of me. It was the reason that drove me to discover Twilight fanfiction, and along with that a fanfiction piece called ‘Submissive‘ in which I identified myself. And from there it really took the longest, most winding road to the person I am today, and to the experiences, I’ve had these past few years, and eventually to this blog right here. But before my sexual evolution, I read another fanfiction story that taught me how to deal with my emotions, angst and how to be true to myself and how to express it. It’s a story called “Wide Awake“, it’s still free to read online so go check it out if you want to. Even if it’s a fanfiction of Twilight, it had absolutely nothing in common other than the names. What also made “Wide Awake” so special to me was the music. Almost in every chapter, the author would name a song she was listening to while writing. And those songs together became a list on my iPod called ‘Stories’. Each and every one of them represents a very strong emotion, not necessarily any single memory, simply just the way I felt when I was discovering myself. For eight years now, I’ve had that same list of songs that I would listen to whenever I’m feeling lost, emotional, angsty or simply when I want to refocus and remind myself that I’m the one who matters the most. In some sense, these songs is me in its rawest form, at my most vulnerable state.

So I thought I would share my song list here on Jukebox Fridays, one song at a time. They might not be as profound to you as they would always be to me, but I hope you would enjoy. First on the list – ‘Strange and Beautiful’ by Aqualung. My favorite parts of the lyrics:

“Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do”

Jukebox Friday

She Used To Be Mine – Sara Bareilles

Friday finally, after a tiring week. I was just tired, physically and mentally. But I kinda promised myself not to hide from my own feelings, whether they be good or bad, so I turned to my pile of Sara Bareilles CDs. Her music can be intense, her best songs are those in which you can find yourself. “She Used To Be Mine” is one of them. I remember when I first heard it, I cried like a baby because she was singing about me. First time I heard the song, I resonated with the following part of the lyrics the most:

She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

But then when I listened to it today again, I heard the latter part of the song louder:

Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine

I never believed that time heals, it only dulls the pain by the day. Painful memories never go away, you just have to make new ones, good ones, happy ones, to pile on top. Happy Friday.

Continue reading “She Used To Be Mine – Sara Bareilles”

Jukebox Friday

All Star – Postmodern Jukebox ft. Vonzell Solomon

Another week behind us and it’s Jukebox Friday. I woke up to some amazing news! This little blog of mine got its 200th follower! When I started this few years ago, I couldn’t even dream of getting three digits subs-wise. I love you guys, my dear readers. Even through tough times like these, you managed to gift me a little boost of motivation to go on. So I chose this song for you, to thank you for your support. Happy Friday!