I don’t think I’ve talked about my sadist side much. I’m sure I’ve described her before as a tiny little sadist living inside of me. And I say little, cos like my masochist side, I don’t feel the need to feed it regularly. However, by little, I don’t mean I’m interested in causing only a wee bit of pain. 😀 I feel the need to explain this cos whenever I say that I have a little sadist living inside of me, Sir Atticus would scoff at it and tell me that it’s not exactly little. But I don’t think sadism or masochism work like that. There’s really no limit to how much pain a sadist would like to cause or a masochist would like to receive.
I am both a sexual masochist and a sadist, I get aroused from both aspects. Being a submissive is, however, still my most prominent sexual orientation and both my S and M are inseparable from D/s. Meaning I need to be submitting in order to get aroused from pain. My sadist basically works the same way, but it’s a little complicated than that. Cos I don’t really get off on being dominant. I do enjoy bossing around and I’m very good at it, but I don’t get sexual satisfaction from it. But I do get aroused from acts of sadism but in order to get off, I need to submit. And both my S and M side require a consenting partner. Especially on the S side, cos you know, beating others without their consent is kinda illegal. 😀 And since I’m only borderline psychopath, I don’t think I would enjoy hurting anyone not consenting. Much. 😉
Continue reading “Confessions of a Sadist”
I’ve written about sub drops before. It’s this depression-like state that’s basically an endorphin crash that might occur after a particularly rough session. If you are interested in that topic, I’ve actually written a little survival guide about sub drops, you can read it here. But today I’m here to talk about the down time, when submission is on a break, at least the physical kind. An observant reader of this blog might have noticed that there had been less writings on kinky Wednesdays lately. Of course, I’ve been busy with restaurant work and such to have any mood to write anything, but it has been going on longer than that. I believe these so-called down time are not unusual with 24/7 D/s relationships. Reasons can be many, in my case it’s Sir Atticus having job related things on His mind or otherwise just not in the mood. One of the challenges of a D/s relationship is that one has to be in a certain headspace to commit, especially the one in the dominating role. A distracted Dominant is just bad news. I guess it’s equally possible for submissives to have off periods when submission doesn’t come naturally, work stress being one of them. Personally I have such a special relationship with submission that I can’t really see myself ever not be in the mood mentally. Physically sure, when I’m having a migraine or a high fever. I’m not the kind to stress about work, I might dread it but not stress about it that much. And when it comes to stress releasing, nothing quite beats a good spanking. 😛 In other words, for me submission is a cure for almost anything.
So, what are the symptoms of the down time? I would get restless, irritated at everything and everyone, lazy, bratty, mood-swingy, self-conscious, self-doubting, paranoid… just overall a shittier version of my usual self. I strongly dislike myself when I get like that, like today was such a day that those symptoms bugged the hell out of me. I decided to build a system to fight those negative symptoms because I’m all for constant self-development. 😛 And I hope it would be helpful for my fellow subbies too, and why not my other readers who get those same ‘symptoms’ from entirely different reasons. The big theme here is distraction. Here’s my top 10 how to survive down time:
Continue reading “Submission on a Break – How to Survive the Down Time”
It’s been a while since I had explored one of my fetishes through stories and experiences, so I looked into what I’ve already written about. Surprisingly, one of the most prominent part of my sexuality hasn’t been dove into in depth at all. I know I know, I’ve been keeping everyone including myself on suspense about a new chapter I’m turning with Sir Atticus, but it seems that the build-up is going to be long. Well, patience is a virtue right? So, while waiting, let’s take a look at the fetishes exhibitionism and voyerism.
Exhibitionism – The Need to Be Seen
Exhibitionism is the act of exposing in a public or semi-public context those parts of one’s body that are not normally exposed. The practice may arise from a desire or compulsion to expose themselves in such a manner to groups of friends or acquaintances, or to strangers for their amusement or sexual satisfaction or to shock the bystander. – Wikipedia
There are also different types of exposure, the most interesting ones and the boxes I would surely check are anasyrma, candaulism and martymachlia. Anasyrma is exposing one’s genitals by lifting one’s skirt with no underwear. Candaulism is being exposed by one’s partner in a sexual and provocative way. Martymachlia is experiencing arousal from having others watch the execution of a sexual act. I think that’s quite enough of terminology for this time around.
Continue reading “Is That A Thing? – Flirting With Shame”