Fifty Shades of Orgasms, part 3

I wrote a little cheeky list of different types of orgasms I usually get back in 2016 in part 1 and then my struggles and how I seem to slowly start to overcome them in 2019 in part 2. After I wrote that I still had problems with cumming with other people and I still had that little talk with every new partner about how I don’t orgasm easily and ask them not to take it personally. I estimated that I cum maybe 10% of the time and that remained true until I met Steve.

Before I go more in depth into that, I feel like I should explain what happened between my last post about orgasms and me meeting Steve. Back in mid-2019, I was still having a friends with benefits relationship with Oliver and that lasted until mid-2020 aka when the pandemic was going hot. I did cum from time to time with Oliver but it wasn’t consistent at all and in no shape or form a guaranteed thing. During that year with Oliver, I did have other random partners and now in retrospect, it was surprising that I did manage to orgasm with new partners even during the first time. But there would always be a gimmick or something. Like being with a woman that I had a giant crush with and she fucked harder than most men I’ve been with. 😀 And with a guy who had a Prince Albert piercing in his penis and goddamn it felt amazing. And even with Oliver, there had to be something extra like bondage or anal etc in order for me to cum. So I was quite serene with my state. I knew my body was capable of orgasming with other people too, I just needed a little bit extra oomph to it. I was just happy that I could do it, after everything.

So after our partnership ended with Oliver, I didn’t have a long-term partner for a long time. Here and there was some action but when the end of 2020 hit, I was just exhausted trying to find a new steady partner in the midst of a pandemic. I decided to take a break and I didn’t date anyone or even tried to for a whole year. I knew I could do it cos of my experience with one year of voluntary celibacy back in 2018. It was actually quite nice, to not to have to think about it. I didn’t even masturbate much. I just went with how I felt and I felt zen. Turned out I was extremely good at being by myself. I guess for the first time in my life, I didn’t think about sex or orgasms on a regular basis for an extended period of time. And in addition to that, I wasn’t worried that I didn’t think about it. And maybe that helped my body re-center itself with its relationship with sex and orgasms. I am not saying it was all me. XD Not at all. I’ve 100% sure I wouldn’t be where I am now if my next steady play partner is anyone else but Steve. 😀 All the orgasm stars were lining up for it to happen.

So in November 2021, I was ready to get back out there. I started a friends with benefits relationship with Steve whom I’ve known through a mutual friend but didn’t exactly stay in contact with for five years. But there was some connection there so it was relatively easy to jump into things – I felt like I already knew him. And that layer of intimacy during sex even from the first time we had sex, I figured it must be because I was capable of being quite vulnerable in front of him. I felt a strong sense of kinship with him cos I felt like he was very similar to me and that I can tell him anything about myself and I would never face judgment from him. And that type of mental nakedness must have transferred to the physical realm cos it literally took us several times of having sex, and I was surprised with me orgasming. Without any gimmicks. It was just regular sex. I have to admit that our bodies and especially the naughty parts couldn’t be more compatible and he could hit various points of sensitive flesh without even trying.

Fast-forward a few months, we meet roughly 1-3 times a week depending on our mutual schedules, and I can safely say that I’m badly spoiled. After that first time of me cumming, it just kept happening. Every time we have sex. Sometimes multiple orgasms. In every position – even standing up or me on top. And all kinds of orgasms – vaginal, clitoral, anal and g-spot ones with fingering. And the kicker is, I don’t have to work for it. They just come by themselves. There are really no words to describe how freeing it all feels. I could never believe that I could be that girl who is basically guaranteed to orgasm during sex. Maybe the gimmick here is that I have a giant crush on him, or maybe it’s cos we are anatomically and physically compatible. Or maybe, the gimmick is freedom from the stress of having to orgasm. We even had a mini marathon one day to test how many times we both could cum and it was over double digits for me. But that’s a story for another day. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Fifty Shades of Orgasms, part 2

I’ve written about orgasms before, in the part 1, go read it, it was super funny. I might have discussed my relationship with orgasms here and there but I guess I’ve never told the whole story in one post. Let’s talk about that today!

Nowadays, whenever I have a new partner, I have to have this little talk with them. “Listen… my relationship with orgasms is really complicated.” I’m not a fan of that convo, but I just want to let them know that it’s all me and what I like to called orgasmically handicap. Let me start from the very beginning.

I started masturbating really early, like before I even had my period or boobs. But no one taught me how, so for years and years till my late teens, I just rubbed my pussy against my blanket to get off. I lost my virginity when I was 15, but I’ve never, not once had an orgasm during vaginal intercourse until I was like… maybe 25 or something. Or 26. I never masturbated with my fingers, I never explored it. I know my own lady parts inside out cos I like to look at it a lot when I was younger, but I just didn’t like touching myself with my own fingers. With my first boyfriend, I got my first orgasms through him giving me oral. But they were like really weak and behind hard work. After my first boyfriend, I discovered vibrators and finally knew what a strong ass orgasm feels like. It took me quite a while, in other words.

Then came my exfiance. I got a couple of vaginal orgasms with him, I like to believe purely by accident. I used to get them when I was on top and kinda rubbing my clit against them. So I guess not purely vaginal Os. When our sex life quieted down, he became obsessed with me cumming. Probably because he thought that I would want to have sex with him more if I cummed every time. In the beginning, it was exciting. Fun even. Cos my exfiance was really freaking vanilla, but can’t say he didn’t have stamina though. He was very good at really steady humping, which to be honest, can be very good for female orgasms. Well for most girls I guess. So he and I combined fucking and vibrator a lot. But gradually it became harder and harder for me to cum. I didn’t know back then that it was because I wasn’t into vanilla sex. But anyways, he would just become more and more obsessed with getting me off. To a point that I resented it, resented him. Orgasms became hard as fuck to achieve.

So when he and I broke up, I swore to myself that I would never ever force myself to cum anymore. I told all my partners then never to force me. Even to my dominants back then. Then it became weird. With doms I mean. Cos suddenly I had to ask for permission to cum. It was fun in the beginning. Especially with my last Dom Atticus, it was all-consuming. I gave so much of myself and my sexuality to him that during some point, he could basically make me cum on command. But when we broke up, all of it went to shit.

For over four months after the break-up, I couldn’t even masturbate. I was literally incapable of cumming, scared shitless that I would have a mental breakdown over the fact that there was no one to ask for permission and I was miserable. It took me a whole year to finally be in more control of my own body, to take back my orgasms so-to-speak. And orgasms I get from masturbation had literally never been better than the ones I get nowadays.

But one problem still remains, it’s next to impossible for me to cum with others. It’s extremely hard to cum by masturbation in front of my partners, I’ve all but given up on the hope to cum during sex ever again. I mean sure, with a vibrator it can happen. It had happened a couple of times with Oliver. I just think that my body is simply not capable of it anymore because I have such a strong mental block now.

But then, something magical happened last session with Oliver. It was after being tied up and spanked. I was on my all fours with an anal hook up my ass and tied to my neck and hair. He had made me gag many times throat fucking me. He had also pulled a thick textured rope through the anal hook before and it felt like a strong vibrator against the anal plug. It drove me absolutely crazy with lust. I’m sure it was all of that, and also we haven’t played in a while so my body missed him. He then played with me some more with my vibrator, pressing, not just keeping it on my clit but moving it back and forth from the anal hook in my butt across my wet pussy to my clit and back. And the fact that the anal hook was pulling my hair rendering me almost immobile and in an extremely uncomfortable position and it felt like I couldn’t escape the sensory overload. And I fucking loved it all.

Then he started to fuck my pussy, pushing the anal hook even deeper in me and placing the vibrator against my sensitive clitoris. I really don’t have enough words to explain how good it felt, I couldn’t get enough how good his cock felt in my pussy. And all of a sudden, without any warning, like a bomb went off in my netherparts, without anyone yelling ‘incoming’. I exploded. My vision blurred, I couldn’t feel the tension and discomfort on my hair or neck or shoulders, my ears were ringing. I must have screamed cos my throat felt raw afterward. I still can’t believe that I cummed. And not just once. Actually I’m not sure. It was like waves. Every time I thought I was coming down, a new wave of orgasm would just hit me. I didn’t count how many, I didn’t have the brain capacity to even remember my own name. Or it might have been just one giant orgasm that lasted a small eternity.

It was unexpected to say the least. Oliver had no idea what he did to me. I told him of course, but I don’t think he understood just how insane it was. I want to call it my first primal orgasm. I didn’t have to force it, I didn’t have to ask for permission for it, I didn’t even have to think of anything at all. I didn’t even try to cum. That’s why it sneaked up on me, there was no climb at all. It was a grenade I didn’t see coming. It was all sensations, unaltered and unburdened with rules or reason. It was what orgasms should be, the most natural thing in the world. It gave me so much hope that maybe some day, I would be rid of all my mental blocks and just be ‘normal’ with orgasms. At least now I know that my body is capable of it. And I can’t be more grateful.

“What You Mean You Aren’t Into Vanilla Sex?”

Just yesterday, I realized that last Saturday was exactly one year from the last time I actually had sex. When my last relationship ended in August 2017, I took the rest of the year to have some extreme me-time, aka complete celibacy, I didn’t even masturbate for 3.5 months. And that sparked the idea of having 2018 for a whole year of me-time, decisions of remaining single and thus sexless were made. I did retake the habit of masturbation, if not for my own health then for the mental health of the people around me. 😀

Many had asked me why I’m not having sex, I can certainly stay single and have casual sex. While I am pretty casual about having vanilla sex without anything remotely resemblance of attachments, I need to form some kind of relationship before giving myself into sex as a submissive. And since I rather have my own fun between the sheets than have vanilla sex, I came to a conclusion that sexless 2018 it is going to be. Today, I am here to chat about exactly that, about vanilla sex, and why I’m not into it. Like, at all. And whenever I tell that to people, at least 50% of the reactions are the combo of confusion, being intimidated and sometimes even pity. And many misinterpreted that me not being into vanilla means I always have to have whips and chains and tears and blood, which is definitely not the case.

Vanilla, just like the many sides of BDSM, it’s not so much about the acts, but the mindset. Of course, those of us who are into kink tend to have many fetishes and rather extreme taste, but I’m not a fetishist. I am a submissive, which is more of a sexual orientation for me rather than a role I take on. In order to be aroused, I need to be submitting to my Dom. I know some subbies are capable of submitting to multiple D-types, I’m quite a monogamist in that sense. I’m only capable of submitting to one person at a time since I tend to become very devoted to my own Dom and thus incapable of submitting to anyone else. When I submit, every sexual act performed becomes non-vanilla in my head. So you may ask, if it’s not the acts that separate vanilla sex and BDSM for me, then what the differences are? I’m glad you asked. Here’s the list of seven reasons why I’m not into vanilla sex! 😀

Top 10 WTF things of Hentai

Hello and welcome to Kinky Wednesday. 🙂 Sir Atticus and I have a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship, but it’s less intense that you might imagine. I do have a couple of tasks to keep me in check during the week, like exercising and some kind of orgasm and masturbation control. Lately it had been edging every way. I was to edge aka masturbate till I almost climax then pull back and I had to do it three times every day. And I’m one of those who watch porn when I masturbate (how I envy the younger me for whom only naughty imagination was enough). So edging daily also meant watching a LOT of porn. And I have different phases when it comes to porn and it had been my hentai phase for a while now. I don’t usually look for any certain kind of hentai porn,

Hentai – which literally means weird and strange things is also known to be pornographic Japanese animation. Also known as the infamous tentacle porn. But that’s just one little sub-genre of hentai. I don’t usually look for any certain kind of hentai porn, I actually quite enjoy the fact that hentai can surprise the shit out of me by being so so weird, even when I’m not looking for it. And because the recent bountiful consumption of hentai, I started to notice some reoccurring what-the-fuck things that obviously seem to tickle Japanese people’s fancy. So here I am, listing ten WTF things that you would run into when watching hentai. And I left out some obvious sub-genres out like above mentioned tentacle porn, or anything goru (meaning combining hardcore gore and sex). I gathered these characteristic from so-called normal hentai episodes. I mean, if you could ever called hentai normal. 😀

1. Iku! Iku! (I’m cumming)

No matter how unwillingly the girl succumb to sex (consent, or the lack thereof, is one of the big things in hentai, or any Japanese porn), she would end up climaxing anyway. I don’t think Japanese have any idea of how female orgasms work. There might be a small percentage of kinksters out there who would get extremely aroused from being forced upon, but that’s definitely rare. So making it as it’s an everyday thing, to get off on being raped, and having that theme in almost every hentai clip, it does earn a spot in this list, cos it’s truly quite twisted.

Ask a Kinky Girl, Part 1 – Why do you think you are kinky?

A couple of days ago I watched a video named ‘Ask a Porn Star‘. An awesome series, by the way, it’s so entertaining. So I watched this specific video where they asked the porn stars whether they actually like getting facials. I giggled all the way through their answers cos they basically are the same as mine. I do feel an odd form of pride that I actually am kinkier than most of the porn stars. 😀 So it gave me an idea of doing a new section and naming it ‘Ask a Kinky Girl’. It’s not a kinky dictionary where I’m giving definitions for kinky stuff, cos you can find those easily online. I’m answering those questions to which you might not find an answer quickly by googling. Or simply if I have a funny story to tell. 😛 I gathered these questions online, and some of them from friends. And if you, my dear reader, have something to ask, leave your question in the comments. 🙂 For part 1, I randomly chose five questions to answer, so here we go. Be warned, my answers are mine only, 100% subjective. I’m not representing the kink community, I’m only representing this one kinky girl that’s me. 😛 Oh by the way, to make this more interesting, I might sometimes provide my answer from like ten years ago, way before my awakening as a submissive and a kinkster, if my answer before and after happens to be very different. Or interestingly the same. 😛 So here we go!

Why do you think you are kinky?