Fifty Shades of Orgasms, part 3

I wrote a little cheeky list of different types of orgasms I usually get back in 2016 in part 1 and then my struggles and how I seem to slowly start to overcome them in 2019 in part 2. After I wrote that I still had problems with cumming with other people and I still had that little talk with every new partner about how I don’t orgasm easily and ask them not to take it personally. I estimated that I cum maybe 10% of the time and that remained true until I met Steve.

Before I go more in depth into that, I feel like I should explain what happened between my last post about orgasms and me meeting Steve. Back in mid-2019, I was still having a friends with benefits relationship with Oliver and that lasted until mid-2020 aka when the pandemic was going hot. I did cum from time to time with Oliver but it wasn’t consistent at all and in no shape or form a guaranteed thing. During that year with Oliver, I did have other random partners and now in retrospect, it was surprising that I did manage to orgasm with new partners even during the first time. But there would always be a gimmick or something. Like being with a woman that I had a giant crush with and she fucked harder than most men I’ve been with. 😀 And with a guy who had a Prince Albert piercing in his penis and goddamn it felt amazing. And even with Oliver, there had to be something extra like bondage or anal etc in order for me to cum. So I was quite serene with my state. I knew my body was capable of orgasming with other people too, I just needed a little bit extra oomph to it. I was just happy that I could do it, after everything.

So after our partnership ended with Oliver, I didn’t have a long-term partner for a long time. Here and there was some action but when the end of 2020 hit, I was just exhausted trying to find a new steady partner in the midst of a pandemic. I decided to take a break and I didn’t date anyone or even tried to for a whole year. I knew I could do it cos of my experience with one year of voluntary celibacy back in 2018. It was actually quite nice, to not to have to think about it. I didn’t even masturbate much. I just went with how I felt and I felt zen. Turned out I was extremely good at being by myself. I guess for the first time in my life, I didn’t think about sex or orgasms on a regular basis for an extended period of time. And in addition to that, I wasn’t worried that I didn’t think about it. And maybe that helped my body re-center itself with its relationship with sex and orgasms. I am not saying it was all me. XD Not at all. I’ve 100% sure I wouldn’t be where I am now if my next steady play partner is anyone else but Steve. 😀 All the orgasm stars were lining up for it to happen.

So in November 2021, I was ready to get back out there. I started a friends with benefits relationship with Steve whom I’ve known through a mutual friend but didn’t exactly stay in contact with for five years. But there was some connection there so it was relatively easy to jump into things – I felt like I already knew him. And that layer of intimacy during sex even from the first time we had sex, I figured it must be because I was capable of being quite vulnerable in front of him. I felt a strong sense of kinship with him cos I felt like he was very similar to me and that I can tell him anything about myself and I would never face judgment from him. And that type of mental nakedness must have transferred to the physical realm cos it literally took us several times of having sex, and I was surprised with me orgasming. Without any gimmicks. It was just regular sex. I have to admit that our bodies and especially the naughty parts couldn’t be more compatible and he could hit various points of sensitive flesh without even trying.

Fast-forward a few months, we meet roughly 1-3 times a week depending on our mutual schedules, and I can safely say that I’m badly spoiled. After that first time of me cumming, it just kept happening. Every time we have sex. Sometimes multiple orgasms. In every position – even standing up or me on top. And all kinds of orgasms – vaginal, clitoral, anal and g-spot ones with fingering. And the kicker is, I don’t have to work for it. They just come by themselves. There are really no words to describe how freeing it all feels. I could never believe that I could be that girl who is basically guaranteed to orgasm during sex. Maybe the gimmick here is that I have a giant crush on him, or maybe it’s cos we are anatomically and physically compatible. Or maybe, the gimmick is freedom from the stress of having to orgasm. We even had a mini marathon one day to test how many times we both could cum and it was over double digits for me. But that’s a story for another day. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Courtship Chronicles, part 14 – Steve

For those new to my blog, this used to be a pretty kinky place. 😀 ‘Slap Ass For Motivation’ started after I broke up with my ex-fiance at the age of 30. I know, very cliché. It was supposed to be about single life in my 30s but it quickly become a blog chronicling my journey discovering the kinky lifestyle and also exploring the local kinky community. For years, my main content for this blog was sex, kink, and dating-related. But, just like for everyone else, the rona had put a stop to pretty much any activity. To my utter horror, I realized that the last post about dating or sex was in March 2020. It was Courtship Chronicles part 13, I re-read the post and it sounded almost ominous. XD I don’t remember much about dating in 2020. I was still playing with Oliver back then but we actually ended our friends with benefits relationship around summer 2020. I do remember the one date in November 2020 with an Irish guy and he was fantastic at sex but he met someone serious so it was just that one time then. What a huge pity. After him, I pretty much decided to take a break from dating. I blinked and one year went by without me seeing anyone or even going on dates. In autumn 2021, kinky events momentarily started back up but I’ve already got this notion in my head that my next date after such a long break can’t be that good cos the Irish dude was so good. XD In November 2021, I did break the curse and went on a pretty good date with a Dutch guy. I haven’t seen him after our first date though. But we aren’t here today to talk about him. We are here to talk about Steve (not his real name, duh). 😀

I met Steve exactly two months ago, on the 12th of November 2021. Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. I met Steve in 2016, in the summer. On my birthday actually. My friend Y invited me to have a drink and I met Y’s friend Steve who was also at the bar. If my type in men would be molded into an actual man, Steve would be exactly it – 188 cm tall, blonde hair, and grey/light blue eyes, I was instantly drawn to him. I don’t exactly remember what we chatted about that night but I do remember we talked about choking and that I really really enjoyed it. One thing led to another and I ended up asking him to put me in a chokehold and choke me until I fainted. Right there at the bar. XD I still remember gaining consciousness and the first thing I saw was his face smiling at me. I don’t know if he knew just how turned on I was by him. After the bar closed, we went to another bar, just me and him, and all of that felt like a dream now. But! Nothing happened. We didn’t even kiss. Cos back then, I was an obedient little submissive playing with Sir Sade and I didn’t get permission from him to play with someone else. Not from lack of trying though, funny how Dominants weren’t answering messages at 2 am. XD

After that initial meeting, I already got an extremely strong sense that Steve and I were very similar. He felt the male version of me. We chatted via messages for a while but it wasn’t that long. We were at a different stage in life back then, I just got to exploring and he was tired of all the random relationships he had and was looking for something serious. The next thing I knew, he did find a serious relationship. Actually, he found several of them, one after the other, for the next 4+ years.

Around summer 2021, our mutual friend Y texted me that Steve was finally single now, and here’s his number. XD I don’t know why it took me months to actually text him but I’m glad I finally did in November. I asked him to go for a drink and we ended up picking the same bar we met all those years ago. We found ourselves in the exact same stage in life – we both have had enough of super serious relationships and a casual and fun relationship that isn’t goal-oriented is just what we are both looking for. In other words, friends with benefits. 😀 That bar night, I don’t remember when was the last time I had so much fun. We ended staying quite late, starting out chatting just the two of us but then with others too cos among others our mutual friend Y came there too.

It wasn’t until 2 am that we went back to my place and had some intoxicated sex. There was a lot of kissing and groping, and the skin-to-skin felt amazing. He might be one of the very few that I actually enjoy kissing. He tastes like cigarette smoke and that didn’t bother me at all. He smelled like something spicy, like cinnamon and ginger and something sweet like butterscotch with a hint of campfire from the cigarettes. Already the first time we had sex, it felt oddly intimate to me. For the life of me, I couldn’t explain what made it different than my other drunken sexperiences. It might be the brief but impactful history we shared. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of something that would redefine my relationship with my own body, my sexuality, and my orgasms. But that’s a story for another day. 😛 Don’t worry, I won’t take another almost two-year break. Until then, stay kinky! 😉

Five Year Blog Anniversary!

Happy birthday, blog! Can’t believe you’re five already! *proud mama tears* According to tradition, I am supposed to create an infograph consist of post highlights and blog statistics. But I decided to do one better! I put every kinky posts in this blog into a kinky table of contents and I shall try my best to keep it updated. But here are the stats. Here’s to another great blog year! ❤

The New Girl Incident

Now that all the kinky events are canceled due to the end of the world, I think it’s a good time to write about this one incident that happened in a kinky party a while ago. I didn’t react almost at all to it when it happened, forgot about it for a bit but suddenly remembers it and I told my friend. As I am telling my friend, I started to realize that it was not okay. And the longer time I have to think about it, the less okay it becomes. Okay, let me start from the start.

So it was a crowded party, and there were lots of new people at the party. I was introduced to a girl, a friend of a friend I think, this pretty and young girl with cool red eye-makeup. I complimented her make-up, and she must have taken it as a signal that I was interested in her. Well, I wasn’t not interested either, but not after what she did next. We chatted in a group for less than two minutes, and she kinda asked me to come with her. Not ask… kinda half pushed and half dragged me after her. I didn’t resist cos I still thought it was cute. I mean, it wasn’t the first time girls wanted to ask me privately to play. Once we were kinda farther away from the group, when we were next to a wall, she suddenly pushed me against the wall by my neck and had her hand on my throat. I wouldn’t exactly call it choking, cos it was really light. She proceeded to tell me about being a switch and such, but I pretty much stopped paying attention. I did not really appreciate being handled without my permission. I quickly turned the table and showed her what choking really meant and once I showed that I wasn’t going to let a little girl with no manners to dominate me, her whole attitude changed. Long story short, she submitted at once. Well, I wasn’t interested in dominating a little girl with no manners either. She started complaining about how no one wanted to play with her, and I wondered out loud whether she introduced herself to those others the same way she did me. I was about to lecture her that she couldn’t go around putting hands on people without consent, but then she pulled out a bottle of vodka and it dawned on me that she was drunk. I realized my lecture wouldn’t do her any good, and pretty much left the situation.

So later on, I realized that I should’ve had that lecture with her anyway. Her being a girl, her being smaller than me, and me not feeling at all threatened at any point shouldn’t be reasons why her behavior was okay. With a simple gender switch gave me even more perspective. If she had been a he, I would have kicked him in the balls and potentially even reported him to the staff members. I shouldn’t have treated her any differently just because she was a girl. And there was no saying what her seemingly small actions would have caused anxiety or even panic attacks on some other person. The kinky community is built on trust and the community wants everyone to feel safe in their parties and events, and I am part of it. All of us have the responsibility to keep it as safe as possible.

I promised myself that if I ever see that girl, I would have a talk with her. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything bad, she is just unaware of kinky party protocols. The idea of ‘stalking’ someone might seem even romantic to her, she might have seen it in a movie, but that’s not how our kinky community operates. But I’ve also learned from this little incident. I should upkeep the same standards for any gender. Manners are manners, and manners maketh both men and women.

Well, that’s it for this week’s Kinky Wednesday. Sorry that it wasn’t anything sexy. Stay strong, my pervs. And stay safe and healthy but most importantly, stay kinky! 😉

Courtship Chronicles, part 13 – Bad Beginning for 2020

I shouldn’t be so dramatic, nothing bad happened. 😀 But! In the sense of me challenging myself of ’20 in 20′ aka 20 new (sex) partners in 2020 (permanent or non-permanent), my year couldn’t have started any worse. Let’s see, it’s March now, past couple of days. I’ve been on four first dates, none of those moved on to the next stage. I did manage to start my count though, on Valentine’s Day no less, with two different people at a kinky party. 😀 They were fun, but probably a one-time thing. Initially, I was only going to write about ‘successful’ dates, but I have a bad feeling that it might take a while. I just might have exhausted my Tinder dating pool and it’s time to take a break. So instead, I guess I can also document the dates that didn’t lead to anything? 😀 Let’s see if I still remember.

Guy1, 30 something, was definitely interesting. 😀 We met for coffee and chatted for like 2-3 hours. He was Finnish but looked more like French or something, giant eyes with the longest eyelashes and beautiful smile plus long hair. Upon chatting, he said he was in the sales business when he was younger and made tons of money but then decided to give it all up to pursue his dreams. But. He doesn’t seem to know what his dreams were. He gave me a strong vibe of a little boy being so very lost in life but pretends hard not be seem that way. He gets things started, finishing none of them. Although we did share interests in minimalistic ways of live and the poly lifestyle, I don’t think there was any chemistry.

Guy2, met him for a beer and also chatted for 2-3 hours. It was pretty standard, chatted about movies and stuff, he definitely looked way younger than his pictures (he is 25) and he was also a bit tiny and it all made me feel… well, old and big. XD

Guy3 showed a bit potential in the beginning. We went for drinks and chatted for 4 hours. He was a bit feminine, heteroflexible. For some reason, we got to chatting about platonic relationships for a weirdly long time. And I got a strong sense that he wanted a platonic relationship with me. Among other things, he said he was disappointed when I said I don’t spend nights with people just sleeping if I don’t have a sexual relationship with them. Let’s just say that I’m really not the type that would ever go for platonic relationships. Later when he asked me for a second date, it got a bit awkward cos I’ve been struggling with how to tell him I don’t want a platonic relationship. It was stressful, alright? I don’t like it. XD But then I finally got around telling him, but then he said that no he does want a non-platonic relationship with me. XD I was so fucking confused. But by then, I’ve lost interest altogether already. But mostly, I felt like he was a maybe-person. Meaning I can maybe fuck him, or maybe not. And I didn’t want the first new dick of the decade to be a maybe-dick. XD

Guy4 is actually French, just moved to Finland. I also went for drinks with him, and chatted for 2 hours or so. He was short though. I really should start asking people their height like the shallow asshole that I am. And he was pretty French. 😀 Like the slightly condescending tone laced in almost everything he said. 😀 Okay fine, I’m stereotyping, but he seemed to have problems with the poly lifestyle, so I don’t think we would click, even though his accent is pretty amusing.

Well, there you have it, four dates. I was supposed to wait till five before writing this, but the date that I was supposed to have on Friday got postponed so you shall have to deal with four for now. 😛 Do wish me luck with Guy5, I shall report when I finally meet him, hopefully next week. Until then, stay kinky! 😉