Before I get really practical here, I want to share something about myself. I pride myself being a really efficient person. My take on life is that it is very short. And we get one shot. So I don’t like dwelling on unnecessary things. I don’t think about things that are not possible. I will try my best to get things I want in life, but at the second it becomes apparent that I can’t have it, I literally am able to will myself stop wanting that thing I can’t get and move on. The same mentality is spread around on various other characteristics in my personality; I usually don’t feel anything negative more than 24 hours. I’m never actively mad at anyone for more than one day, it’s too exhausting to uphold any negativity any longer than that. I’m never depressed. I don’t get mood swings. I don’t get PMS. I don’t get annoyed because I’m low on blood sugar. I would laugh at myself for being silly if I ever get angsty thoughts. So to say that I’m vastly under-prepared for sub drops is an understatement. No reading about drops beforehand is enough to prepare me for what drops feel like for me.
In my last post I talked about my first drop, which was a walk in the park compared to the one that hit me two days ago. I woke up feeling depressed. It felt like heavy boulders were resting on my shoulders and chest. I couldn’t breath deeply, I could smile and laugh but I couldn’t feel them. It felt like I was underwater all day with my ankles tied to the bottom. On that day, I finally understood why depression can easily destroy a person. The only saving grace was that I knew it will pass. No matter how awful I felt, I was able to remain semi reasonable. So this is not really a guide, I just want to share what sub drop meant to me, what helped and what didn’t, the possible reasons for the drop and my suggestions about how to prevent them. I’m not sure that they can be prevented altogether, but maybe to shorten the drop time and lessen the intensity.
I really don’t think there need to even be a reason for drops, they come when they do. But these might be one of the reasons:
- Deeper the submission, stronger the drop. The more I let myself go, the more I submit, the more I surrender, the higher I get during sessions. Endorphin is a strong drug. And withdrawal is just as strong.
- So there is downside to being single. I love being single. I love living alone. But that also means I don’t have a primary relationship into which I can tab into to get that much needed distraction and affection during drops.
- When the next session is not planned, or too far away. I know this to be tricky, cos people can be busy with crazy schedules.
- Uncertainty. I am well aware that everything I feel during drops is blown out of proportions. Everything feels worse, and every tiny things feel like a huge problem. It would have helped to talk about expectations with your Dom beforehand. Cos talking during the drop might be disastrous. Remember honesty and openness. Although everything is blown out of proportions, some of those thoughts might still have a tiny grain of truth. So it wouldn’t hurt to write them down and talk about them later. I didn’t follow my own instructions. And I can only be amazed and humbled by my Dom’s patience to put up with me and my angst during drops. Kiitos, Herrani (Thank You, Sir). You’ve no idea how grateful and how lucky Your little slut feels to have You as my Dom. 🙂
For me, these next things helped marginally. Not much at all, but a little bit, to make it tolerable:
- Eating comfort food. Or your favorite food. For me it was pasta.
- Sweets. I don’t usually have a sweet tooth, I don’t eat much chocolate or candy or cake or ice-cream. Hot chocolate helped though.
- Comedy. Whether it be your favorite comedy movie or stand-up from your favorite comedian.
- Fresh air and the sun. Staying inside four walls doesn’t help at all.
- Favorite songs. Make a playlist consisting of happy songs. And sing along.
- Write about it. I felt a little better after writing my last blog post.
- Exercise. Not for nothing, it actually helps.
- Get distracted. Easier said than done, right? Here I would like to thank Sky Fire, for chatting with me, for distracting me, and for improving my Internet privacy level considerably. You will make a great Dom for some lucky sub. 🙂
Stay away from these things:
- Sad songs, movies, books. Duh.
- Alcohol. Bad bad idea.
- Doing anything radical. I know it feels tempting. To explode and dump it all on someone. It’s not fair, and it might cause irreversible damage.
These things are irreplaceable:
- Support and company of other subs. If you’re lucky enough to get that.
- Someone to talk to who gets it.
- Your Dom’s attention.
Nothing, literally nothing helps remotely as much as your own Dom’s attention during drops. So with respect, for Doms reading this, I present to You, the memo list to try preventing drops and dealing with a subbie in sub drop:
- Please check up on your subbie on days following sessions.
- Please keep in mind, it is not easy for subs to ask for your help, especially during drops, and most subs probably wouldn’t. Unfortunately, unfairly, it is up most of the time up to You to detect a sad kitten. Please act on the slightest suspicion. Like if your subbie is abnormally quiet.
- Please offer comfort, support and attention.
- During drops, uncertainty might eat your subbie alive. So please, assure and remind Your subbie of her/his place.
- If possible, please spend some time with Your subbie.
- Please plan for vanilla time, if that’s something you both wants.
- Please plan for the next session.
- And last but not least, I know this might be really hard for most Doms, please share how You feel too.
I’m not promising that drops wouldn’t happen even if all of the above is done and taken care of. But hopefully it would make drops easier to bare. My second drop actually helped me decide something. Especially after reading the lovely littlesubmissivebird’s blog. That if I ever find my Owner, I would make it my business and privilege to help and support my Owner’s other subbies. Because not every submissive wants to open up to their Doms during drops. It would be much easier to open up to another sub. So here, I promise you, you beautiful future subbie of my Owner, I will gladly be your shoulder to cry on, be the arms to hold you together when you feel like you are breaking apart, be the bringer of muffins and hot chocolate, be the one who literally know how you feel cos I’ve been there.