“I wonder if I wouldn’t have been more moved if my own mother had taken me in her arms and said ‘I like you’. I wonder if just enjoying your kids’ company isn’t more important.”
First of all, I have to say that I’ll try not to spoil too much because I want everyone to read the book or/and watch the movie. It took me three whole weeks to read “We Need To Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver, which is a long time considering it’s not a very thick book. I need to compliment it, it is beautifully written, it nears the line of being poetic while still stays on the casual side. The story is of course very thought-provoking and somewhat controversial. It’s one thing to say “I don’t like kids”, which still provokes unreasonably large amount of disapproval these days; it’s quite another thing to say “I don’t like my own kid”, which might not be as unimaginable as everyone thinks.
My own take on motherhood is quite similar to Eva. I don’t like kids, I lack the skill to communicate with them. Some kids can be very annoying, like the ones visiting my mother’s small restaurant. We have these wooden booth seats which are unfortunately hollow inside so they create exciting noise once being hit on. So these little kids whose little legs are on just the right height while sitting to make the maximum sound by kicking our booths. And their lil’ concerts of jungle drumming solos would put any professional drummer to shame. Solos that last up to 30 minutes. I have to be honest, I hate those kids. I used to brood even greater hatred towards those kids’ mothers for doing nothing to stop the drumming. After reading Eva’s story, I feel a little guilty for blaming the mothers. It is the easiest way out, isn’t it, to blame the mother.
Like every girl and woman, at some point in their lives, they would think about having kids of their own. I’m like every girl, when I was younger I named my future kids (Sebastian and Natasha, if you’re curious). I was sure of myself, that I would be a good mother. I actually still am sure that if it so happens in the future that kids would descend upon me, I would be a good mother. A strict, I’m-not-your-friend-I’m-your-mother type, but nonetheless a good one. These last few years, however, I struggle to find the right reason to have kids. I have a humongous list of ‘reasons’ that are ‘wrong’, such as “I’m getting too old, I gotta have kids soon”, “Maybe I should have one because everyone else has one”, “Having a kid will save our marriage for sure” or “I want to leave something behind me”. The reasons provided by Franklin would also be on my wrong-reason list, “turning the page” and “answering the big question”. I think Eva’s ultimate reason to have Kevin, it’s because she was afraid. Franklin coming home very late one night may be the triggering point. Eva was worried sick that something bad might have happened to Franklin, and it was a desperate act really to get pregnant, not wanting to lose everything of Franklin if he should die in an accident. Eva’s reason, too, is at my wrong-reason list.
“There shouldn’t be any problem loving both [the child and the mother], but for some reason certain men choose, like good mutual-fund managers minimizing risk while maximizing portfolio yield, they take everything they once invested in their wives and sink it into children instead.”
A couple should never have kids if just one of them really really wants one. It would create such an imbalance that would forever ruin the couple’s relationship as is. That’s what happened to Eva and Franklin. It was so sad to see their relationship crumble excruciatingly and slowly. More than once while reading I was mad at Franklin, for giving up on Eva in so many ways, for not caring about her enough, for not being there for her but only for Kevin, for buying that stupid house. I guess I really got into the story, and I really liked Eva. So it all felt so unfair, that Franklin did choose, from as early as during the pregnancy.
Eva was a woman of high expectations. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it does sound bad when her pregnancy and labor didn’t meet her expectations. It wasn’t miraculous, it wasn’t beautiful. Eva felt cheated right after the long and tough labor; where is the promised overwhelming love towards the crying and bloody lump that is being laid upon your chest? Instead of the awakening of maternal instincts, postpartum depression reared its ugly head.
It didn’t help Eva’s depression one bit that baby Kevin was high-maintenance; he cried all the time. I truly respect housewives and full-time moms. It is stressful to take care of a crying little ball of fury without any breaks or shift-changes. Losing all those babysitters was seriously troubling. Franklin’s it’s-no-big-deal attitude reminds me of those parents who go to schools to yell at teachers when their own kid had done something bad. It’s never the kid’s fault.
So when is it the right age for something to finally be the kid’s fault? When will the kid learn to take responsibility of his/her actions? At the age 10, 15, 18, 21 or 30? I think it’s when you stop saying “He’s just a kid”. But it’s hard, isn’t it? Parents will always see their kids as kids. I never underestimate young children. They are not as dumb or ignorant as their parents might think, they listen and they learn. As a matter of fact, small kids have the highest learning capacity comparing to any other stages of their lives. I know kids from multilingual families speaking four different languages at the age of five. It’s never too early to start teaching the kid what’s right or wrong.
“You can only subject people to anguish who have a conscience. You can only punish people who have hopes to frustrate or attachments to sever; who worry what you think of them. You can really only punish people who are already a little bit good.”
From a very early age, Kevin already started this war against his ‘mommer’ Eva. He’s a very smart kid, maybe he did sense that Eva was not sincere and genuine all the time. And for a kid that young, it is a big deal when your own mother is faking it. Kevin created this mask for himself against Eva, a mask that is cold, nonchalant and uncaring. Everything’s dumb and boring. He never wanted to give any satisfaction for his mother, never to let Eva knows that she had done something right. He didn’t talk until at a very late stage, he insisted on using diapers till the age of six, he ate his food hiding. Whenever he does something bad, he ensures that Eva will be there to witness it, like what happened to Eva’s beloved workroom that was wallpapered with old maps from her trips around the world. And how can you punish a kid who doesn’t have any attachments like toys to take away?
All those incidents with other people: Violetta from the kindergarten, neighbor’s kid with the bike, lets-call-her-Alice from the school dance, the poor drama teacher, up to the adorable Celia, they all make me wonder whether it’s just Eva being over-paranoid or Kevin really did everything Eva suspected him to. I believe it’s Kevin. Eva did always believe for the worst, but she didn’t believe it at first when Thursday happened.
“Children live in the same world we do. To kid ourselves that we can shelter them from it isn’t just naive it’s a vanity.”
“Yet I have reflected on the fact that for most of us, there is a hard, impassable barrier between the most imaginatively detailed depravity and it’s real-life execution… I can only assume that he discovered what I never wish to. That there is no barrier… As ever, the secret is that there is no secret.”
So what triggered Thursday? Although Eva and Kevin were in a constant battle zone, Kevin just couldn’t stand the thought of not having her in his life. Ironic as it may be. And how he could have done it on Thursday? It’s like this, your imagination is always more colorful than the truth. So when Eva and Franklin, as decent parents, tried to hide the violent and erotic movies from Kevin, he let his imagination ran wild. Like Eva, Kevin had high expectations. And the truth about violence and porn just didn’t meet his expectations. So, like the quote above, the secret is that there is no secret.
I loved the ending. My twisted and sick mind loved the ending. The Thursday, the aftermath, the Franklin and Celia (which was a huge surprise to me), the last visit to Kevin before the transfer, I loved it all. It was touching at the end to see the real Kevin. He did love his mommer after all.
And a few words about the cinematic adaptation. Tilda Swinton is simply exquisite as Eva. They found a truly creepy Kevin, I like him a lot. On a different setting, he would be my favorite psycho. As always, it’s shortened. I recommend the book strongly. Read first, watch later. The background music of the movie is greatly picked. Especially the Chinese fighting music. Nice touch! I was a little disappointed though, that Thursday was not shown thoroughly. But then again, it’s just me loving horror too much so it’s never enough. You know how sometimes leaving things unshown can create a stronger mental picture, which usually is bullshit in my opinion, but in “We Need to Talk about Kevin“, it simply worked.
Slap Ass For Motivation 