I don’t think I’ve talked about my sadist side much. I’m sure I’ve described her before as a tiny little sadist living inside of me. And I say little, cos like my masochist side, I don’t feel the need to feed it regularly. However, by little, I don’t mean I’m interested in causing only a wee bit of pain. 😀 I feel the need to explain this cos whenever I say that I have a little sadist living inside of me, Sir Atticus would scoff at it and tell me that it’s not exactly little. But I don’t think sadism or masochism work like that. There’s really no limit to how much pain a sadist would like to cause or a masochist would like to receive.
I am both a sexual masochist and a sadist, I get aroused from both aspects. Being a submissive is, however, still my most prominent sexual orientation and both my S and M are inseparable from D/s. Meaning I need to be submitting in order to get aroused from pain. My sadist basically works the same way, but it’s a little complicated than that. Cos I don’t really get off on being dominant. I do enjoy bossing around and I’m very good at it, but I don’t get sexual satisfaction from it. But I do get aroused from acts of sadism but in order to get off, I need to submit. And both my S and M side require a consenting partner. Especially on the S side, cos you know, beating others without their consent is kinda illegal. 😀 And since I’m only borderline psychopath, I don’t think I would enjoy hurting anyone not consenting. Much. 😉
Continue reading “Confessions of a Sadist”
So yesterday I wrote about one of the two birthday presents I got from Sir Atticus. Today I will write about the other one: a gift of calmness, clarity, and zen. 😀 It’s this thing called floating. You go in a floating pod filled with extremely salty water to float for an hour. The pod can be closed, which would get the pod to be in complete darkness and with earplugs in, it’s an entirely sensory deprived environment.
I’m not big on meditating, partly because I don’t know how to do it. I have one of those loud minds, I’m constantly thinking of something. I simply can’t quiet my mind to save my life. So while I’ve been interested in trying floating for a long time, just because sensory deprivation is an interested of mine, I didn’t believe in the meditation part one bit. I mean, I didn’t believe I would be able to do it. So Sir then bought me my first time at floating, and I went with an open mind to try something new. At this age, a completely new experience is the best gift ever. I went to this little place quite near where I live called Float Kallio. Kallio is a part of the Helsinki that is next to my neighborhood. It’s this stylish little place with only two floating pods but very spacious joint showers and luxury towels and cosmetic products provided. So basically, you don’t need to bring anything with you but a hairbrush. 🙂 The guy working there gave very good advises for first-timers and also tips to find the best position to float. For example for me, having my arms up next to my head felt more natural than the arms to my side position. I was nervous whether I could relax my neck, but surprisingly I didn’t even need the little floaty thing for necks that was provided.
Music was playing the first 10 minutes and I spent it finding my position and turning off the light. Once the music stopped, the proper sensory deprivation began. The only thing I was hearing was my own breathing. And with its hypnotic rhythm, I slowly enter a state that was familiar in a distant way, it was like subspace except for this time it wasn’t sensory overload but the complete opposite. My head emptied out naturally, my mind calmed and nothing else but my breathing existed. I drifted off twice and I was woken up only by my own muscles jerking like they sometimes do right before falling into deep sleep. It was very very relaxing. An hour of floating felt longer, but I wasn’t bored at any point. My body felt heavy right after I got out but after 15 minutes of so, I felt more relaxed than after having an hour-long massage. The true benefits of floating, however, became apparent afterward. It’s been a week now, and my mind is still calm as water. I can focus better on what I’m doing right now and my mind won’t wander. I have this ‘everything-is-going-to-be-okay’ feeling throughout the week although I’ve been sick and should be feeling miserable. I guess even an one-hour shut-down of your brains can work miracles. And I imagine if I am stressed, floating would help me even more. And as an extra bonus, the salty water worked miracles on my skin and hair. It softens my hair and smoothes out my skin, the salt working as a gentle exfoliator without the actual scrubbing part.
I would definitely go back, and even consider making it a monthly thing. And if someone asks what Sir Atticus got me for my birthday, I can say that He gave me a peace of mind. 😛
On my birthday this year, I got two presents from Sir Atticus, one of them is a little toy in the form of a 23-year-old girl. Let’s call her Poppy, cos she reminds me of Vanellope from the movie ‘Wreck-it-Ralph’, full of energy and a force of nature. Sir promised me free reign (almost), I can do almost anything I want as long as I remain subservient to Him. Even though I remain under His command, He did give permission for Domme Kitten to come out to play. 😛
Continue reading “The Return of Domme Kitten”