First post about naughty stuff in ages! Sorry about that. 😛 And this is going to be a bit of a rambling too. It’s the TV show Shameless I’ve been watching and in it there was this male character who is a self-proclaimed sex addict. He’s been attending meetings and on his way to being ‘healed’ and restricts himself only to sex with one woman whom he loves and only in the missionary position while listening to Seal’s ‘Kiss From the Rose’. When being questioned about his very singular taste in sex, he revealed that sex is like a monster to him, if he chooses to release the monster, he can only get satisfaction from sex acts more on the extreme side, and it would only get more and more extreme cos so-called normal sex wouldn’t cut it anymore.
And that kinda got me thinking. During the early phase of my BDSM journey, when I was still one foot on the vanilla side and one foot on the dark side, I’ve encountered men who simply refuse to experiment the kinkier stuff like bare hand spanking or choking. I’m not sure whether it’s true or not, but the reason they gave me was that they were afraid that their appetite would only get darker and darker and it might get to a stage where nothing short of a hardcore SM stuff would suffice. I’ve also been asked whether I’m afraid that that’s happening to me eventually. Personally, I am not even worried, and I will attempt to explain why not in this post.
First, let’s talk a bit about the sex addict part. I’ve been accused of being one by more people that I can possibly count, even my own mother said I’m a sex addict. I prefer the term ‘higher than average sex drive’. And the fact that I do enjoy sex immensely, I really can’t see anything wrong with that. I do have a rather obsessive nature, I tend to get obsessed with things, be it books, movies, games etc. I’m a nerd after all. But I wouldn’t call myself a sex addict just because from a simple fact that I do have control over it. In my opinion, addicts do not have control over their addiction, and they would do anything to get the next fix, including hurting themselves and others around them. I’ve never cheated on my partner for sex, nor had I hurt anyone (without consent). As a matter of fact, I would say that I have an extraordinarily great control over my sex life, partly because I’m a submissive and D/s is all about control. Interestingly, I’ve taken a simple online survey whether I’m a sex addict and I scored higher than some clinically proven sex addicts. Although I do think that anyone who is kinky would score high, because of the questions about risk-taking. Apparently, you would be classified as a sex addict if you answer yes to questions like:
- ‘Have you ever risked getting physically hurt in order to get sexual satisfaction?’ (Me: Well, that’s called spanking for you.)
- ‘Have you ever risked getting caught having sex in the public?’ (Me: Just last week in my apartment building’s basement, cos voyerism is a thing.)
- ‘Have you ever had sex with minors?’ (Me: It’s not my fault that 17-year-old boys can look much older, and I did meet them in a bar so it was reasonable to assume they were at least 21.)
Do I take risks when it comes to sex? Yes, maybe a bit more than the average person because of the nature of sex I’m into. But am I reckless? Far from it. I’m very strict when it comes to safe sex. And whenever I do take risks like spanking or choking, I take them with safety measures and knowningly, not when I’m out of control or I feel like that my partner is out of control. In this sense, BDSM can be viewed as clinical even, compared to the messy vanilla sex when hardly ever anything is planned or discussed beforehand.
I do have dirty thoughts way more often than average but I never feel out of control or distracted. On the contrary, because I think about dirty stuff so often, I can easily concentrate on other things while being in the stage of arousal, cos practice, and cos otherwise I wouldn’t get any work done ever. 😛 So am I a sex addict? Well, I don’t mind the title, but as a die-hard hedonist, you wouldn’t catch me running to any meetings to take part in the 12 steps cos if I am a sex addict, I don’t want to be ‘treated’.
Basically, I don’t view sex addiction as a disease, like some like to refer it as. I do believe there can be some who risk losing everything, their family, their job, their health by having unsafe sex, just to get off, but I don’t think sex addiction should be treated as a disease. It certainly can be a symptom some other disease like bi-polar, or not even that. It can also just be the thirst for attention or power that the addict can’t get from anywhere else in life. One might argue that having many sex partners can also be a fetish. Sure, but against the popular belief, being an asshole is not a fetish, you can have multiple sex partners without hurting anyone including yourself, you just have to be open with everyone of your desire and look for like-minded people to engage in whatever brand of sexual deviancy of your choice. 😛
Then how about that other aspect I mentioned above, about the wanting more and more extreme things. Allow me to explain through a little metaphor. Choose one of your favorite food, for me it’s bacon. And here bacon would represent the base of my sexual interest, and for me that’s submission. I like bacon in any shape or form, grilled, baked, boiled, in a sandwich and with eggs. In my life, there will be lots of different favorites that would come and go, cock in wine, bangers and mash, jerk chicken etc, but never would bacon stopped being absolutely delicious. No matter what new favorite food I acquire, bacon would always be bacon, and it would never stop filling me up. 😉 It’s the bread and butter. Bacon is love, bacon is life.
So here’s some rambling about a fun subject, hope you enjoyed. Next week, there might be brand new post to the series ‘Is That A Thing?’. Until then, stay kinky! 😉