Welcome to Kinky Wednesday! First, a few words about the sense of ownership. Owning someone seems to be a no-no in a majority of relationships. I can hear the words from my friends ‘You can’t own someone’ or ‘That’s not love’. So maybe I have a twisted idea about love then. Because for as long as I remember, those three magical words were never ‘I love you’. For me, it had always been ‘You are mine’. For others, owning is a word associated with things. You own things, not people. For me, owning is a word associated with one’s most precious, whether it be things or people. You only make your claim on something when it means a lot to you. While ‘I love you’ is about how I feel about you, ‘You are mine’ is a course of action, it is stating claim, that I can do whatever I want with you, but at the same time it’s a silent promise that I’m also going to take care of you. For me, claiming ownership holds so much more substance.
So after I explained what ownership means to me, let’s talk about the visual symbol of ownership, something that’s special and precious, at least to me – collars. Right from the very start of my BDSM journey, I held collars in a high regard. In the beginning when I just wanted to dip my feet in the water with session partners, I already knew I didn’t want to wear collars, even just play collars for the duration of the session. I used to have this dream that I would only be wearing collars once I find the owner who would then collar me and claim me as their own. As time went on, my own rules became looser. When I took up and got comfortable with the role of a kitten, I purchased a thin red leather collar for myself as the kitten collar, for my Christmas present. I’ve only worn it several times, as I quickly found out that while I usually like to buy things for myself, a collar is something that felt wrong to buy for myself.
Then I met Sir Atticus, and He very quickly became much more than just a session partner. And quickly both He and I stopped thinking sessions as sessions, they are just us getting intimate and it happens to be very kinky sometimes. The D/s aspect is always there, just sometimes stronger and the rest of the time under the surface. It was with Him that I first started to use play collars. Black thick leather collars that can be easily used with a leash. Right from the first time, I love the feel of the collar around my neck. It was so high on my relatively short neck. I would imagine that many people would think that a collar like that would feel suffocating and restricting. And weirdly, from those same reasons I love to wear it, not because it makes me uncomfortable, it’s because it makes me feel safe. And then the leash, how I love that thing too. There are other play collars as well along the way and they all make me feel safe. And beautiful.
Christmas came last year and I was lucky enough to get to spend it with Sir Atticus. And He had teased me about a Christmas present that I was going to get for a long while. He probably knew that I might explode with impatience if I had to wait any longer to get my present, so He gave it to me on the 24th already. It was a soft package, the size of my head and it was heart-shaped. I sincerely thought it was a heart-shaped pillow or something. Then I started to tear off the wrapping paper, and it went on and on and on and on. The whole roll. Sir used one whole roll of wrapping paper to wrap a teeny tiny present. I laughed hysterically all the while I was tearing the present apart and through the tears from laughter I had to wonder out loud whether there was even a present in the package and surely this was a prank. But then, under that at least two meters worth of wrapping paper, a small cloth bag was revealed. And inside, the cutest lace collar in the colors of black and lavender. In the center of the lace band, there was a little bell that has Jack’s face from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Beside the bell, there was a heart-shaped wooden plate that had ‘Kitten’ carved on it. Needless to say that this kitten suffocated Sir with hugs, part from the fact that I love my Christmas present, and part wanting to hide the face that I make when I try hard not to cry.
I know that Sir and I are not in the stage of what traditional collaring would entail, but nonetheless, this kitten collar means the world to me. It means that I am His kitten and always will be. It means that if our ways part in the future, I don’t think I could ever be anyone else’s kitten. That part of me really began with Him, and it’s the part of me that would always be His and only His. ❤