It’s been a while since I had explored one of my fetishes through stories and experiences, so I looked into what I’ve already written about. Surprisingly, one of the most prominent part of my sexuality hasn’t been dove into in depth at all. I know I know, I’ve been keeping everyone including myself on suspense about a new chapter I’m turning with Sir Atticus, but it seems that the build-up is going to be long. Well, patience is a virtue right? So, while waiting, let’s take a look at the fetishes exhibitionism and voyerism.
Exhibitionism – The Need to Be Seen
Exhibitionism is the act of exposing in a public or semi-public context those parts of one’s body that are not normally exposed. The practice may arise from a desire or compulsion to expose themselves in such a manner to groups of friends or acquaintances, or to strangers for their amusement or sexual satisfaction or to shock the bystander. – Wikipedia
There are also different types of exposure, the most interesting ones and the boxes I would surely check are anasyrma, candaulism and martymachlia. Anasyrma is exposing one’s genitals by lifting one’s skirt with no underwear. Candaulism is being exposed by one’s partner in a sexual and provocative way. Martymachlia is experiencing arousal from having others watch the execution of a sexual act. I think that’s quite enough of terminology for this time around.
For me, every specific fetish that I have boils down to one word – submission. That is the ultimate thing that turns me on. So if I have to explain my from time to time quite strong exhibitionistic tendencies, it would be as I stated in the title of this post – flirting with shame. I can’t say I’ve been raised up in a particularly consertive way, and while I dress quite provocatively sometimes, I never actually show any of my private parts in public to strangers. Whenever I by accident wear a dress that’s too short on windy days, or if some shirt turns out to be way more generous tits-showing-wise, I would feel uncomfortable all the time I’m exposed. That is exactly the reason why I get extremely turned on when having sex in semi-public places, in addition to the thrill of being found out, it’s ultimately the shame and humiliation that turns me on. Having sex in the toilets of restaurants and bars, being teased and choked on a picnic blanket in the park, taking videos and photos as a task from Sir at work, in the bus and at a restaurant. I fear being found out and that would intensify the humiliation I also feel, and that in turn would make me feel submissive. I would probably never do anything in public just for my own pleasure, I would do them just when it’s with someone or for someone.
There are maybe two scenes from movies in my youth that fascinated me and not until maybe now that I completely understand why they aroused me so much. One is from a Hong Kong movie 20 years ago called ‘Viva Erotica‘, and this one really short scene was about a soft porn shoot gone wrong due to miscommunication. In short, because the director was too ashamed to express himself properly, the male lead thought he was to go all the way and the female lead was under the impression that the scene is only about kissing. The ending result? The female lead was practically being assault in an old phone booth on a busy street surrounded by spectators while the actress was being groped and roughly kissed and her breasts exposed. I actually found the whole movie on Youtube, so if you are interested in what I’m babbling about, take a look, the scene I mentioned above starts at 36 minutes. There was some strong aspects of non-consensualness in the scene which is another of my fetishes, but that’s a story for another time. Let’s continue with another little story.
Another memorable movie is straight-up porn. This particular one I ordered online, a DVD. You remember the time when porn had to be bought? Ah, kids these days, they have no idea how lucky they are cos internet porn has always been there for them. Anyways, it’s a Japanese movie. Well, strictly speaking not a movie. It’s just a compilation of acts all surrounding men sexually harassing school girls on the train. It’s a popular porn theme still in Japan. A funny story about getting the DVD though. Once in a while, packages from outside of Finland would get stuck in the customs and the receiver would have to go to the customs office to pick up the package. It’s the time when online declaring wasn’t an option. So of course my porn got stuck at the customs. The 19-year-old me then went to the customs and there the young male clerk asked me to open my package and I had a really hard time not to laugh at his half horrified and half fascinated face when he took a quick look at the red-faced school girls making cum faces on the very stylish DVD cover. My porn got him so flustered that he didn’t charge me anything and let me go with my filthy DVDs. XD Okay, anyways, so the first time I watched the movie alone, I came. Nothing special about climaxing itself, but it was the first and probably the only time that I came without any other stimulation but visual. That’s right, I wasn’t masturbating. I wasn’t even touching myself. Being groped on a train or any public transportation remains one of my biggest fantasies to this day. My primary porn is hentai nowadays, aka Japanese animated porn and the train thing I search for quite often, although it’s never realistic but nonetheless very fun to watch and fantasize about.
And then there is taking photos and making videos of myself. I guess everyone has sent naughty photos to their partner in some point, but us kinksters do it a LOT. Maybe because almost all of us have a little exhibitionist in ourselves and we like to share our pleasures with each other. Having a camera recording is always a turn-on during sessions.
Voyeurism – The Need to See
Voyeurism is the sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other actions usually considered to be of a private nature. – Wikipedia
For me, voyeurism and exhibitionism belongs together. For me, the need to be seen, watched or observed is as strong as the need to see, watch and observe someone else. I’m not a criminal though, I would never violate someone’s privacy by peeping without one’s consent, but if you get in my face I definitely won’t look away. Meaning if I see a couple get their freak on in the park, I would definitely watch. Or I may or may not listen very intently if my dear neighbors have some really low sex. Or if I pass a hotel and someone is being banged the shit out of agains the window, I am going to stop and watch. But only if you want to show me. Guess I can’t be called a true voyeur but consent is obviously a big thing for me.
I would like to link my polyamory with voyeurism too. I guess for strictly monogamists, seeing your partner have sex with someone else must be the worst nightmare, but for the kinky little me, that’s so fucking arousing. It looks very very hot.
So last but not least, I thought it would be fun to include a list about my fantasies and bucket list items that please the exhibitionist and voyeur in me. More as a check list for Sir. 😛
1. On the Train: pretty straight-forward this one 😛 And any other public transportation or just busy packed places would do too.
2. Outdoors: anywhere outdoors where anyone might see me
3. Hotel room: very loud sex in a hotel room pressed against the window
4. In the Dark: meaning dance floors in the club, concerts, movie theaters, anywhere that is dark and can get away with some public fun
5. Naughty chat roulette: oh yes, those exist, just having some good old rough fucking when chat roulette is on so anyone can see you 😛
6. Watching: the basic being tied to a chair or standing up and just watch my Dom having his way with some poor subbie is pretty arousing. Guess it kinda makes me a true voyeur cos I’ve also fantasized about just watching in hiding when one or both people I’m watching is not aware of me… *toothy grin* So basically, most girl’s worst nightmare is coming come and finding her boyfriend fucking another girl, but that’s like my ultimate fantasy. 😀
Alright, enough of kinky talk for today. I’m still on my no-orgasm restriction period, and it’s painful enough to have to write this. 😛 Next Wednesday, there might be something special waiting for you, my dear readers. Until then, stay kinky! 😉