On Fetlife, one of the biggest social website, like Facebook for kinky people, there’s one basic question you can answer on your profile, and that is how active of a whatever-you-are you are. The options are ‘just curious right now’, ‘curious and want to try’, ‘once in a while to spice things up’, ‘just in the bedroom’, ‘I live the lifestyle when I can’ and lastly ‘I live it 24/7’. Funny enough, right from the beginning, I already knew that my ideal Dominant/submissive relationship is going to be 24/7. Kinksters I’ve had contact with, many shy away from the 24/7 arrangement, most deemed it too demanding. It might be because the 24/7 I have in mind is slightly different than the norm? I’m not sure. The 24/7 D/s just means that my Dom never stops being my Dom, and there is no time of the day that I stop being His sub. It’s basically the same with the vanilla boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, there’s really no time off, right?
I’ve been asked, does that mean I’m calling Sir Atticus ‘Sir’ in every sentence and not look Him in the eyes ever when I’m with Him and does He get to tell me to do whatever whenever He feels like it? No, I don’t always call Him Sir, but when replying to an obvious command, then yes, I would address accordingly. And yes, I look Him in the eyes all the time, they are so blue and pretty that it’s hard to resist. But whenever there’s an energy shift, a power shift that I can practically feel on my skin, when He slips into His Dom-mode, eye-contact restriction is like breathing, it feels the most natural thing to do. And what comes to the whatever whenever thing, well, basically the answer is yes, so not choosing an asshole as your Dom might help in this one. The thing is, it’s very hard for me to say no, although I do have a bratty bone in me, so I do beg, negotiate, throw a tantrum and pout. Hardly ever any of those methods would work when His Domliness has set His mind of things, but luckily Sir Atticus is quite fair. He just likes to tease me a lot, and it doesn’t help me at all that my knee-jerk reflex is to believe whatever He says, thus making me a really easy target to tease.
Anyhoo, our 24/7 ‘arrangement’, well it’s not very arranged. We had never sat down to discuss the rules or restrictions or protocols, any structures we are in now just came into being in time, some right away, and some gradually. I don’t actually know any other couples in the 24/7 D/s relationship, except stories and blogs I read online, but I figured it would be fun to share how some features in our 24/7 D/s relationship. You know what’s coming, a list of course! Ten things about twenty-four seven! 😛
I’m not sure how D/s this is, in my head being respectful to one of your closest people is very important. It is easier said than done, because the closer you get to someone, the easier it would get to take it all on them. I never quite got the logic of that. You are having a bad day, you are stressed or someone made you angry, you wouldn’t explode in front of your colleagues, your boss or your regular friends. Instead you will take it out on your parents, your siblings, your homies and your boyfriend or girlfriend. But why is that? It’s not their fault. I’m not saying that I don’t get pissed or stressed at and of the world, there are times I lean on people at my corner, but I would also make sure that it’s not their fault and ask them to let me vent a little and blow off some steam.
And then there is another thing when it comes to respect. Or the lack of it in some relationship. I’ve witnessed my fair share and they either make me sad or angry. Some couples just feel the need to tear into each other, sometimes in public, like they are using everything they got to humiliate the other one. Like they spend a lot of time to come up with ways to hurt the other one the most. I simply can’t wrap my head around even the mere idea of disrespecting someone who’s important to me, in public or private. Matters can always be solved respectfully. Just focus on what you feel, or how the other person makes you feel by doing or saying something and try to communicate that, and that only. Leave out the words born out of anger and frustration, you know you don’t mean them anyway, but they can still hurt. And when it comes to resolving problems, hurting the person you love with action and words is not the goal, it should never be the goal.
2. Personal Trainer
The discipline and determination to keep on working out 5-6 times a week comes from within me. But once in a while I need some motivation to keep it up consistently. And who doesn’t like to be complimented for their successes? 😀 So every morning after the workout, I would send a picture to Sir to prove my sweatiness, mostly of my sweaty panties. Minimum five times a week unless I ask for permission to skip a workout, I would get punished for missing it. Like if I oversleep. It had happened, like once, and I’m not looking forward to it anytime soon. I like this arrangement a lot. In addition for motivating me to get up early, knowing that I need to make it sweaty enough to show in a photo, I would push myself harder during workouts. And it’s funny how many photos I sometimes have on my phone of my sweaty panties when I don’t always remember to delete them. XD
3. Reading Assignment
This one started out with me ranting about the 50 shades to Sir and He jokingly gave me a task to read the second and third books from the 50 Shades trilogy. But of course, at the time He was giving out the ‘task’, I thought He was being serious and I started panicking and that just added some oil to His teasing fire. But the idea of reading something naughty and then reporting back to Him kept popping up in my head that I went ahead and suggested to Him a more suitable book series, The Sleeping Beauty series written by Anne Rice. We haven’t officially began the assignment, but I already have three of the books. I can’t wait to begin! 😛
4. Health Coach
A healthy subbie makes a happy Dom too, so Sir cares about my well-being. He sometimes would make me do something when it is obviously for my own good. Let me give you an example. Last night I stayed up quite late, I left work late and I did some meal prepping so when I was ready to go to bed it was already eleven pm. He decided that I needed to get some sleep, but I really wanted to read my book because there weren’t that many pages left and I was eager to read the ending. But I also definitely needed the sleep, so He let me read until the next reasonable point to stop and then go to sleep immediately after that, reading any further than that then I would be punished. I had like 40 pages left in my book, and when there were only 18 pages left, the chapter ended and there was only the epilogue left. Although I didn’t spend the night at His place and was alone, I nonetheless stopped reading and left the 18 pages for the next morning. Because 15 minutes of sleep is 15 minutes of sleep. There are things like that, mostly have to do with telling me to go to sleep because I’m a nocturnal creature with a schedule of an early bird.
5. Because I said so
So far, Sir hadn’t made me do things that I really don’t want to. It’s mostly random stuff, like facing the wall in bed for spooning etc. I only obey without hesitation or question when I’m in subspace, so questions like ‘why’ or ‘what’s happening’ come out of my mouth the rest of the time I’m not in subspace. To those questions He would then reply with either ‘Because I said so’ or ‘Do as you’re told’. Might sound a little harsh, but I guess all the s-types out there would secretly smile widely because obeying is one of our favorite things in life.
6. Earn it
Like everything in life, you have to work for it to earn it. Us humans are lazy, whenever we get something unconditionally for an extended period of time, most of us would start to take it for granted. That’s just how we function. In D/s, especially a 24/7 one, it’s all about balance and earning your rewards. And anything can become something I have to work for. It’s not in my nature to want anything for free, so I’m quite content to work for things I want, especially if that something is attached to a Dom. 😉
7. Do me a favor
Ah, a service subbie’s favorite sentence to hear. Because Sir Atticus and I don’t live together, I only get to satisfy my service subbie’s needs occasionally. So whenever Sir needs a favor, whether it be as simple as getting Him a glass of water or translating some Finnish, this subbie is always happy to oblige.
8. Only you
Many would think the word ‘dependent’ being an ugly word. I am an independent person, I’m completely capable of taking care of myself and be my own person. But I never have problem to admit that I have some needs that simply can’t be satisfied by anyone else but my own Dom. D/s is like two pieces of a puzzle, I can’t be a sub without a Dom, and vice versa. And the need to obey, the need to serve, they make up a big part of me that without I can’t be complete. So there will always be a certain level of dependence in D/s when it gets deeper than just session partnership.
9. Not my body
This might be the most commonly practiced aspect of any level of D/s relationships, and that is giving up my body for Him to use as He pleases, needless to say that still in the realms within my limits and His. My own body does not belong to me, it belongs to Him. I can express if I’m horny, but ultimately it’s He who decides when to have sex and what kind of sex. My orgasms belong to Him also, I can’t come without His permission. I still remember how shocked my friends were when I told them that I have to ask for permission to masturbate and orgasm. I guess it is quite personal and can be even viewed as a person’s fundamental right to pleasure oneself, but it’s my choice to give up my control. And I’ve never been happier. 🙂
Like ‘dependent’ is mostly viewed in a negative light, so do the words ‘being owned’. Isn’t ‘you don’t own me’ the favorite thing to yell in movies? In my mind, there is nothing negative about owning someone. For me ‘you are mine’ are beautiful words. It means that I am being taken care of, that someone is willing to be responsible for me on some level. Being His is me promising to be honest, truthful, respectful and loyal. It’s me being there and trying. Being His means a lot, and that’s the way it should be. Don’t be afraid of being owned. 🙂
So here it is. Ten things about the 24/7. Come back next week on Wednesday for something naughty again. Until then, stay kinky! 😉