I remember writing a post about the perks of being a Dominant when I got into the mood of writing about the perks of being a submissive. I went back and read that piece, and notice how slightly cocky it sounded. 😀 And I also wrote that I probably wouldn’t write about the subbie side cos it would probably be quite similar. But what I had in mind wasn’t similar to the Dom list, maybe because I’m thinking of a different approach. After over an year actively being a full-time submissive (meaning I don’t do vanilla relationship anymore), some of my friends still wonder why I’m doing what I’m doing, and sometimes I do wonder myself why I am as I am and how much easier it would be just to be different. The thoughts like that go away quickly though, as even thinking about the good stuff, the perks of being a submissive makes me smile widely. For subbies and Doms, these perks might be obvious, but I’m going to put my focus on making this easier to approach for those who aren’t into BDSM. Or not yet. 😉 And by no means am I claiming that these following ten things are perfected in every D/s relationship, only the good ones. 🙂 And these are not just exclusively in D/s relationships, these ten things are equally important in vanilla relationships and everything in between.
1. “How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you.”
Trust and respect are two things that without, a D/s relationship is as well doomed. I tend to build my trust on Doms more easily than regular men, not claiming that Doms are more trustworthy. It’s just that I feel they had at least acknowledged the fact that trust is important and they are aware that if they broke their subbies’ trust even once, it would be almost impossible to earn it back. For example, to ignore a safe word or cross a hard limit, those are the unspoken rules that simply can’t be broken. And because of that framework of rules and protocols in BDSM and most of them are universal, all subs and Doms understand what a safe word is, what a hard limit is, and because of that it’s easier to trust a Dom. For me at least. Of course I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences but they would all be an one-time thing. Break my trust once, and that’s it, you’re done.
2. “I don’t need to lie. But sometimes, I like to give the truth an extreme makeover.”
And talking about trust leads us to the second thing of the list, honesty. And it goes both ways, I’m not capable of lying to Sir Atticus, and I trust that He’s always honest with me too. And of course trust and honesty go hand in hand. I have always be a trusting person though. For some, they need reasons first before they can trust someone, I’m the other way around. As long as someone don’t give me reasons not to trust them, I will trust them right from the start. And of course I’ve hurt myself that way many many times, but I won’t let few rotten eggs to change something in me that I really like. I can’t control how honest people are, I can only be honest myself. 🙂
3. “I have insecurities of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.” – Adele
So how many of you have deep dark secret desires and fantasies that you probably would never share with anyone. You might be afraid of judgement or even disgust. Gods know I have some weird fantasies that I didn’t feel comfortable even thinking about them much before, but Sir Atticus knows my ‘worst’ ones already, and He even shares some of them. We aren’t called sexual deviants for no reason, but I’m glad I don’t need to feel embarrassed about my desires and needs. Of course there are judgmental people in the scene too, but generally speaking it’s completely okay when your kink is not my kink.
Another thing many, including myself, are embarrassed and insecure about is our bodies. I used to constantly think about how my body looked during sex, whether my tummy was hanging out, or even how my lady parts looked like in that certain angle. Although I’m not in my best shape just yet, I can’t even recall whether I’ve remembered to suck in my stomach in sessions. Trivial things like that never even cross my mind, I have much more important things to focus on, like how much my bum hurts from spanking or did He just say ten more. XD In other words, BDSM has conveniently erased all my little insecurities about my own body. I feel much more confident too. It has something to do with praises from Sir. And you just tend to believe more willingly in praises and compliments when they come from a man who’s not saying nice things just to get into your pants, cos you know, in my case Sir owns what’s inside my pants. 😛
4. “Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
I believe that almost every relationship goes through more or less a similar thing: both the man and the woman would dress up, shave and take care of themselves in the beginning of the relationship. But after they both get comfortable in the relationship, some of us would become sloppy. I did that myself too. I love to doll up though, for Sir and I do like Him telling me I look cute or pretty or sexy. You can say that being a sub made me take better care of myself. Because there’s the constant drive to look good for myself and for Him too.
5. “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”
And talking about taking care of myself, easier said than done, huh? 😀 To workout and to eat healthy, when sometimes even going to the showers seem too hard. Doms are the best personal trainers out there by far, as long as you are a sub yourself. 😀 I have a strict at least five days a week workout program and Sir is helping me at that. Every morning I’m to send a photo of my panties after workout and of course it needs to be sweaty. Not only it helps me to get up in the morning to do my workout, it would make me work out harder too in order to get a sweaty enough panties for it to show in a photo. And recently, when I have started to play World of Warcraft again, He had taken control over how much time I can play, as to not let me get too addicted and not do anything else but play. And for now, He had given me 12 hours playing time per week. And couple of times He had ordered me to go to sleep by nine when He knew I needed the sleep. It’s small rules like that, little added control, to utilize my submissive side to help me be healthier. I know I know, I’m an adult, I should know how to do those stuff by myself. But I’m not known for my self-control really, and following rules He gave me is fun, and when is the last time you had fun while doing something you know is good for you? 😛 Just asking. 😉
6. “So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?”
I’m not a type of girl who stresses much, but I do have my emo days and work can be stressful sometimes. Some of us do yoga, some meditate, some would read a book and drink a cup of chamomile tea. For me, the best way to relieve stress is get a good thorough spanking. For grown-ups, although I don’t feel like one most of the time, letting go can often be unbelievably hard. Sometimes a good cry would do miracles, but crying without a trigger is as hard as peeing in your dreams. You know, dreams in which you are peeing but you aren’t doing that for real. Cos your body won’t let you. And beside a brutal kick-boxing hour, a brutal spanking session would do the trick too. I don’t do it just because of the stress relief factor, but it sure is a nice bonus. 🙂
7. “Someone told me I’m immature and need to grow up. Guess who’s not allowed in my treehouse anymore.”
I feel like that being a nerd, part of me would never grow up, part of me would always be a little girl who gets excited about everything. And I adore that side of myself. Naturally I gravitate towards those who would adore that side of me too, who would let me be childish and fangirl. Although sharing lots of similarities with littles, I’m not looking for DaddyDoms per say. Although Sir Atticus is the protective kind and takes care of me, I’m more of His pet kitten more than anything. I have heard so many girls say they want to find a man who would take care of them, but claiming they can’t find any because they are super independent themselves. I think I can be a strong and independent woman who can do everything herself, but when the right man comes along, I would like to be the kind of girl a man would like to take care of. I can multitask, you know. Who says you can only be one thing at a time? I’ll be my strong professional self outside the house, but when I’m with Sir, I would contently be His kitten. Girls, do find a man who lets you and wants you to be whoever you want to be, and most importantly, let yourself be soft and fluffy sometimes. Trust me, being soft sometimes won’t erase the strong side. 🙂
8. “If I’m still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.”
There’s no way around it, we subbies have great sex. And it’s not the BDSM aspect that’s making the sex good. Oh no. It’s the fact that I’m doing things I’m into. And my thing happens to be doing dirty deeds while submitting to my Dom. That is my thing. To have great sex, you need to know yourself and find out what is your jam. Watch porn, read smut, talk about it with your girlfriends, whatever works. Explore, daydream, fantasize. Then discuss it with your partner, or find someone who’s into the same stuff. It’s not easy. We humans are at the same time creatures of habit but we get bored easily too. I do realize that not everyone hold sex in such high regards as I do, but if you are getting it as good as I am, I do have to wonder why the hell not. 😀
9. “Cuddling – it’s all sweet and innocent until someone gets an erection…”
Imagine post-sex cuddling to be mandatory. XD Well, not mandatory, but highly preferable and most of the time both the Dom and the sub love aftercare, which is the getting down time after sessions. It’s the cigarette in bed, for both to return back to the ground in the safety of each other’s arms telling mundane stories of silly things. I never needed cuddling before until I got involved in BDSM. Sex didn’t use to be as intimate as it maybe should’ve been, so I didn’t feel like cuddling was necessary. But now, it’s one of my favorite things. Getting lost in subspace with Sir is as good as coming back down from it in His arms. ^^
10. “Someone else is praying for the things you take for granted.”
And last but not least, being a subbie, I learned to appreciate everything more. I don’t take kindness, affection or pleasure for granted. And I don’t think anyone ever should. Subbies need to earn their rewards, and as the old saying go, you are going to appreciate it more when you have to work for it first. And in this case, the old saying is absolutely right.