Silly blog post titles are back with a bang. 😛 Obviously it’s inspired by the freaking charming Chan-chan, aka Channing Tatum:
I sincerely apologize to those who actually thought I would offer tips for cat taming. These tips are pretty useless unless you’re going to play with this little kitten who is writing this post. Actually this is more of notes for myself, that I at least need to talk these through before playing with a new Dom. Because, you know, Tuesday happened. Actually when I proof-read my Sunday post, it did cross my mind that maybe I was being overtly mean, judgmental and cruel. So before all that nicety took root, I quickly hit the ‘Publish’ button. It’s okay to be mean sometimes. And I personally think it’s progress enough towards becoming a better person that being nicer actually crossed my mind. 😀 Baby steps, pervy people, baby steps. So, let’s get on with the list. (Yay, lists!)
Before playing with a new Dom next time, remember these:
1. My gal
Literally every girl’s vajayjay is different. They look different, they feel different, they like different things. They are individuals. Some of them are sensitive. Let me introduce my gal. She is a tough gal. She takes care of herself by going to a Brazilian waxing every month, and she takes it like a big girl. She’s always ready and excited for the few and chosen. Her best friend is Sandra the vibrator. She has a love-hate relationship with a Doms, cos she hate it when whipped with a flogger, but she love it when she gets the fingers or the D. XD Her least favorite flavor is vanilla, makes her skin dry out like the Sahara Desert. She is a very sensitive gal. She does not like rough handling with the hand, any knitting, squeezing, rough pushing and pulling makes her angry. Her entrance is really sensitive too. She breaks easily if you shove something remotely sharp in her, like long fingernails or sharp untrimmed hard skin beside finger nails. She doesn’t appreciate the complete lack of lubrication of things either. She loves the cock though, cos the cock always treat her nicely. Because the cock is sensitive too. She isn’t as fond of the tongue as she is of the cock. The tongue never created any huge emotions in her, except maybe right after a flogging then she would very much like someone to kiss the booboo away. XD
Okay, sorry, I just couldn’t resist! 😀
So in short, I don’t care how much of a pain slut you might think I am, my pussy is not to be fondled with with much force. I can take the sharp sting of a flogger, but the concentrated, accurate force of fingers, hell no! I know some girls like it when you rub her clitoric and nearby area with your fingers, I am NOT one of those girls. You can rub, but with extreme caution. Preferably never go near my lady parts without at least wetting your fingers with spit. Or my spit, whatever. This maybe way TMI, but I have labia lips that are outtie, and I HATE it when they are being handled. I’ve mentioned this before in one of my first posts, I can’t stand it when some men like to drag their fingers from my clitoris, along my labia, to my vaginal hole. And when it comes to the hole, please fellas, take care of your fingers and fingernails. File them down, clip away all the hard skin sticking out, fucking moisturize. Only sometimes I get so wet that it oozes out of the hole, but most of the time, I’m only wet on the inside. So upon shoving your fingers up in a girl’s pussy, ALWAYS lubricate. At least the skin around my entrance breaks really easily, after that everything that’s done to it turns unpleasant and painful. And it also stings like a mofo for a few days whenever you pee. So don’t be an asshole and take care of your hands before you take care of your girl.
2. My girls
Let’s move up a little bit. I have a very very intimate relationship with my girls, aka my fucking fantastic boobs. Ever since they started growing in my early teens, I’ve loved them unconditionally. So many of my gal friends wanted bigger, smaller, different shapes, but I have always loved my girls just the way they were and grew up to be. 😛 Of course, as Miranda sings it, gravity is a bitch. But no way I’m going let my girls down (get it? 😉 ), I do a shit ton of exercises to keep them proud and tall.
So in short, I love my girls. They can be very very sensitive though, especially around the time of the monthly business. They can stand a whole lot of flogging, spanking, whipping, biting and even caning but the nipples are so so sensitive. That is why nipple clamps, or anything that does the same thing as clamps are my hard limit. Twisting them with fingers is still allowed, but I can’t take much of it. As a matter of fact, the only time I used my safe word with Sir Sade (formerly known as ‘my Dom) was during nipple twisting. I’m not proud of it, but that’s how it is. Nipple clamps are not my friends.
3. Check the credentials
Okay, I think we have already established the fact that when someone says they are a Dom, they might not be one. And I have further learned that even if someone is truly a Dom, it is possible that they don’t know all the tricks. This is a sensitive subject, cos basically I would like to go through whether a Dom knows how to spank. 😀 See how dangerous this conversation is? XD But it is my safety in question, so of course I want to take it way more seriously than I’ve done in the past. I got lucky in the past, I should stop trusting in luck and rely on communication. BDSM can get rough sometimes. Even when you’re experienced. Cos they are no guarantee that you’re actually doing something wrong. Say like with crops. They look simple enough to use, but they can cause quite an amount of unintended damage if you just hit an ass with all your might, without loosing up your wrist. Human ass is not as durable as a horse’s. Then there is flogger. And there is choking. Needless to say that choking done wrong can be very serious.
So, even if that talk won’t be very pleasant. Or it might even ruin the whole relationship before it even started, I am going to put myself and my safety first from now on.
4. Going through the checklist
I have a looooong checklist. And I just updated it, so that it’s more clear on things that need to be discussed before beginning playing in earnest. There are lots of stuff that I would love to do and try, but with Owner only. Like being tided up for hours. Not that I don’t trust play partners but I just… I guess I want to save something for my future Owner too. Since I don’t really have my virginity to offer. XD
I can’t believe that this can’t be taken for granted. I am a very clean person when it comes to sex. I always shower before a session, or if shower is not available, I at least wash my genitals. And I shave, I perform enemas, I wax, I put make-up on, I always smell fantastic. So is it to much asked that the Dom counterpart put a little bit of effort into personal hygiene? Oh boy, this is going to be another really fun conversation.
6. Safe words
So I am quite used to using the traditional traffic lights. But I might have to rethink the meaning of yellow… Until now, ‘yellow’ had meant ‘go on but not any harder’. What happened during Tuesday is that ‘yellow’ didn’t quite work, at least not with my boobs. See, whenever I yelled ‘yellow’, Tate from Tuesday didn’t stop torturing my nipples, he just lessened the force, the problem was, the pain just kept building up, cos more my boobs were tortured, the more sensitive they became. And the more sensitive they became, the pain seemed to increase even if Tate lessened the force used. So I think I need to add a little sum’in sum’in to the ‘yellow’, maybe something along the line of ‘stopping what you’re doing to access the situation’. And red would mean ‘stop and see if the whole session needs to be stopped’. Plus when gagged or speech capacity otherwise disabled, remember to have an object to hold, preferably something that would make a clear sound when dropped (cos Tate from Tuesday actually missed one of my drops). ‘Dropping the safe word’ would mean ‘stopping immediately and returning the speech capacity and then access the situation’.
7. Less is more
I can’t stress this point more. Especially when it comes to the very first time you play with a new partner. It really doesn’t need to be an elaborately planned session that last hours. The first one is for getting to know each other. So the simpler the better. Less is truly more in this case.
8. Importance of being fair
I know, common sense is a very good characteristic to have as a Dom. Giving off impossible tasks designed to be failed is not really being fair. And I happened to value fairness in a Dom above all things. It is being fair to understand that my submission is always a gift, and that I would appreciate if a Dom would also appreciate the gift given. It is also fair not to presume anything. No matter how well you think or know I was trained, I would like a new play partner to treat me like I’m completely new. Teach me your ways, from scratch.
9. No shouting
I personally don’t like Doms who barks and shout their orders. Also I am not sure why, but I over-react when I’m shouted at. Especially by a man. I found this out like six or seven years ago. My guy friend and I got into a stupid fight about something really really stupid and he shouted something like ‘OMG you are so fucking stupid to think that way’. The next thing I know I was crying hysterically and he panicked. He kept asking me why I was crying and I kept answering him that I really really don’t know. I couldn’t control the crying at all, it was so bizarre. Later when we both calmed the fuck down and talked about the whole episode while drinking beer and eating junk food, we came to a highly scientific conclusion that it was an evolutionary thing. That women are designed to automatically cry hysterically whenever men were being hostile towards them, like yelling at them. And men are designed to automatically panic like little boys whenever they see a woman crying hysterically. So the woman’s reaction is for protecting them from a man’s escalating hostility, crying might just prevent the woman being hit by a man. Beer and junk food make great brain babies together. *proud*
Anyhoo, my automatic reaction is cry whenever a man yelled at me. Although I’ve talked about how much I like crying when I’m being broken down during a session, but this crying is different. This is frustrating. This crying makes me angry more than anything. I know some Doms use it as a method to break a sub’s pride, but I personally think it’s more of a party trick that I prefer not to be used on me. Plus, whispered orders and commands are a major turn-on.
Do I need to say more? Listen to Shia LaBeouf. Just do it!