Kinky Dungeon

Owner Wanted – That’s a No, part 7 – The Smug

Aaaaand we’re back. I had my two weeks of really refreshing ‘holiday’ away from the strange world of online dating, and we’re back on track this week. I put my ad back up on Monday with a little update. I’ve added a tiny paragraph to the end:

Please put some thought in your reply. I would not answer to those who only writes a couple of sentences. I also wouldn’t reply to those who obviously lack the basic social skills, such as being polite and respectful. And here’s a test to see whether you’ve even read my whole ad: what is your favorite spanking instrument? My reply is 100 % guaranteed if you link a photo of your face in your reply.

And for four days I’ve been receiving replies that are just regular bad, not over-the-top bad. So here I thought that I’ve finally ran out of crazies. Oh the naivety of this little one. On the glorious Friday morning when I got to work from home so I slept real late and an email waited for me in my mailbox when I was still in bed scratching my butt. I was feeling especially mean and sarcastic today, in other words, I’m in a brilliant mood, so I actually replied to this cocky SOB. So my reply is in red. Have a freaky Friday everyone. 😉

Hiya

These ads show up once in a while. Still I can say, most of them are lies. So now the question is this: You need to put some thought into your reply to me where you tell me clearly why I should choose you? There are lots of words in your ad, but many things are lacking. Wishes / wants scattered around, but the essence of the matter is lost.

A couple of quick questions
– Why are you single?
– Where goes your limit? (Everyone has limits)
– How you want to improve and why?
– How much do you want a collar?
– How much are you ready to invest in a relationship?
– Favorite spanking instrument is the brains. Only stupid would tell the instrument. Then that someone isn’t aware of the situation or can’t read body language so to speak.
– You don’t need a photo of my face. You will not run away when you see me. That I can promise.

What comes to other things, they are all negotiable.

My guess is I wouldn’t even get an answer from you. I’m very sceptical about these Internet things, meeting live is so much easier.

Charming, isn’t he? Here’s my reply. I could have been meaner, but I ate something sweet for breakfast and my Dom made me giggle cos He wanted me to ask this charming gentleman for more details about brains being a literal spanking device.

If you really are this fucking cynical that you let on in your reply, it is then really sad. And since it’s Friday and all, and I’m in a good mood, and I got some good night sleep, I’m gonna reply to you. I am not, however, attempting to return your faith in humanity with my reply though, that’s what husky videos on Youtube are for.

I’ve been called a liar/prostitute many times now, and I really don’t feel the need to prove you right or wrong. Believe whatever you want. And I’m not going to answer to the question why you should pick me, cos hah, I don’t really want you to. But to one thing I must write the wrong, I didn’t state any wishes or wants in my ad, they are requirements. And words I used to describe myself, I didn’t gather them from fridge magnetic poetry box. They would hold meaning for those who speak the same language as I do. It’s only lacking for those who are lacking the knowledge.

Ooooh but a questionnaire! I love answering questionnaires!

– Why am I single? Long story short, I couldn’t take vanilla anymore and good Doms don’t grow on trees.
– Where goes my limit? (And yes, I know everyone has limits) It goes roughly right where poop play is and that pile consists of individuals who think they are so much better than others.
– How do I want to improve and why? Did I accidentally stumble upon a job interview or something?
– How much do I want a collar? Obviously quite goddamn much cos I’m putting up with replies like yours.
– How much am I ready to invest in a relationship? A lot more that what you were ready to invest in your reply.
– Now I’m going to need details about those brains as spanking instrument. What animal’s brains are we talking about here? Raw or cooked? Are the brains first tested and proven to be disease free? I asked for YOUR favorite spanking instrument, that shouldn’t depend on the situation or the spankee. Besides, you don’t seem the type that wants to please anyways.
– And yes I need a photo cos I don’t give a flying fuck about your opinion of your own face, I only care about my opinion about your face. But you don’t need to send it anymore cos I’m really not interested.

If you are that skeptical about these ‘internet things’ then I suggest you turn off your computer, put on some pants, go out and get laid. It is easier that way. Have a nice Friday.

I apologize for the amount of sarcasm in my reply, but he practically begged for it with his butt in the air. I’ve been getting some interesting answers to that spanking instrument question, I thought it would be fun to make a pie chart out of those answers once I get enough to make a colorful pie chart, I’m naming it The Spank Pie. 😛 But until then, more of these to come.

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3 thoughts on “Owner Wanted – That’s a No, part 7 – The Smug

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