I recently began to keep a session log. Like a literal leather and paper log written with a pen. And not just any notebook either. I have a paper fetish, a non-sexual thing (or who knows :D), I just simply love paper. The texture of different paper. Yes, I have bought books because the paper they were printed on were nice. I like the smell of it. I’m sure I’m not alone. Every paper-fetishist knows that Moleskine notebooks are the shit. I collect Moleskine notebooks. I am hooked on those. And if you’ve written on Moleskine paper, you will know that your life would never be the same. It hurts my heart to have to write on any other paper. Okay, I’m getting over-excited here. Moving on. So I have this limited edition Hobbit Moleskine notebook, which I’ve had like forever, just sitting on my shelf looking all pretty. I just didn’t have any real reason to use it. I’ve tried to make a book journal out of it, but then I realized… Goodreads. Plus it says the following on the first page:
Pretty perfect for a BDSM session log in my opinion. 😛 It took me like two days of intense concentration in order to remember what happened in all those sessions. And then I realized, roughly ten days ago, I had the 10th session with my Dom. How could He tame me so thoroughly in such a short time, I might never know. Must be magic. XD Anyways, you readers get to read all about the kink and the fetishes and the naughty stuff. But there’s something more to Him than just a strong spanking arm and spectacular skills at the fine art of fucking. These are the small things, that no one else has done to me, at least not that I notice. Kinda like a ten-session recap, ten things, top 10 list! I do love my lists.
1. Just checking
Most prominently I noticed this on our first session. I was bending over the dining table with my hands tied behind my back being spanked with a riding crop. I often close my eyes during sessions, even if I’m not blind-folded. I like to concentrate on feeling, and for some strange reason, not seeing makes me feel safer. Has to have something to do with the fact that, unlike many people, total darkness soothes and calms me. So me bent over, getting spanked, and there was a pause, so I opened my eyes, half expecting to receive the next order from Him. I was quite surprised to see Him, crouching, His face less than a feet from mine, watching me. He did that many times, in different forms, sometimes asking questions. I figured that He wanted to check on me, whether I was still good to go. Last week I finally asked Him whether it was what I thought it was. And it was that, and also it’s a good way to set a rhythm to whatever He is doing. He also wants to see my reactions. Which leads us to number two.
2. Look and see
I’m not the kind of gal you would call shy. I have always liked having sex with the lights on. I like to watch. I like to be seen. But then few years back, I actually started to get self-conscious of myself and my body. I would cover myself and prefer a dark room. I didn’t like myself being like that at all. And getting into D/s and BDSM, it has completely incinerated my self-consciousness. I was so concentrated on submitting, listening for orders, obeying orders, and just enjoying the fuck out of myself, that I totally forgot to even suck my tummy in. And I like it a lot that He likes to watch me, for my reactions. And I hope He likes what He sees, cos I really don’t want Him to stop.
3. Bringing sexy back
I’ve heard, for the D-type, obedience and submission are the sexiest things. In their admiration for such a natural thing as submission (natural for us submissives I mean), Doms do so much more than make us subbies feel some pretty intense pleasure. My Dom makes me feel sexy unlike any other man I’ve been with before. I love myself a lot when I’m on my knees at His feet. I always feel wanted and so fucking sexy.
4. Patience, my little slut
It must be a universal feature of Dominants, being patient. Patience is so not one of my virtues, I’m impatient as fuck most of the time. And the fact that Doms, my Dom, is so freaking patient, infuriates me and turns me on at the same time to no ends. I never get angry though, I mean I am a masochist after all. And I don’t mind waiting like a good girl that I am 23/7 😉 And I definitely don’t mind begging.
5. Surprise me
I love surprises. Whether it be a gift, a reward, anything. Surprising me is not easy though, especially not in my own game. Let’s take horror movies for an instance. I’m a huge horror movie fan, and a guy I dated gave me a horror movie DVD box set for my birthday. A nice thought, but I just happened to own like half of them, and I’ve seen all of them before. Catch me off guard, and I would like it regardless. Cos surprises, like first times, are really priceless. My Dom is really good at surprising me. He is unpredictable as hell. I was surprised at how nice He is when not in Dom mode, surprised at how scary He can be when He does let His Domly side out, surprised at how hard He can spank me, surprised at His sexy as all hell sadist side. Which leads us to number six.
6. You say sadist like it’s a bad thing
He is my favorite sadist. I will dive into the topic of sadism later in more detail. He does it so freaking well. It’s not just the fact that He enjoys spanking and choking and biting and slapping me, it’s the way He does those things. Unflinching. Utterly confident. Because He knows I like all the things He does to me. He knows I can take it. And that leads us to number seven.
7. Trust me
I think one of the reasons He can play with me with confidence is that He trusts me. He trusts me to know what I am getting myself into. He trusts my consent, and that it really means something. He trusts me being a complete person, physically and mentally, an individual with all the freedom to do absolutely anything. He trusts me that I can take it all, but also to say stop when I really want it to stop. And Him trusting me in such ways makes me trust Him too. I trust that He will always respect my limits, and I trust that He would stop immediately if I say so. Trust, it is the foundation every D/s relationship should be built on.
8. Sense of humor
So it’s not all just fear and pain, humor is important in every kind of relationship. Like I’ve mentioned before, I can be quite a brat sometimes. Especially a bratty mouth. I sometimes just cannot contain my inner brat and I would misbehave. But I am also glad that me being bratty most of the time amuse my Dom, and with a sadistic smirk He would gladly deal out punishments. But I think those punishments are not meant to ‘cure’ my brattiness, because I think even He knows that some things can’t be cured. He has actually ordered me to establish a pocket notebook in which I would write down my punishments, the reason why, and what punishments I get from that and all that jazz. I write with a baby pink pen, and Sir would sign it after the punishment is properly dealt out. Yes, I adore that little notebook.
9. Music to my ears
I’m very sensitive to voices. I’m very good at recognizing singers, everyone has their unique voice and tone. So not surprisingly, I like my Doms to have a nice voice. Because I do have to listen to it quite a lot, with all the commands. Not too low, not to high. I adore my Dom’s voice. It’s something between Ryan Gosling and Tom Hiddleston. Very very musical, incredibly sexy. And if you have watched any Gosling’s movies, you know he can sound absolutely terrifying but calm at the same time, a voice that is capable to chill you to the bones. And if you have watched Tom Hiddleston as Loki, you know what a sadist sounds like when he’s having fun. Which leads us to number ten, last but definitely not least.
10. Talk dirty to me
So, I’m not big on dirty talking. Not on the giving end, not on the receiving end. And you guessed it, except with Him. My Dom loves taunting me. In that sadistic way of His. Like that one time, He knew how badly I wanted anal sex, but my caning punishment was long due. After caning me to tears, He would say something along the lines of “Your ass looked so good when you were bent over all ready to be punished, and for a second I was tempted to just take you right there and then. Such a pity that you had a caning overdue.” Talks like that, if it were anyone else, I would slap the living shit out of them, but when they are coming from Him, it always makes me want to smile like a Cheshire cat.